Most of you probably don't know... but I go to a counselor about once a month on a regular basis. I started going when I was 15. My mom thought it would be beneficial for me because I was just going through some awkward stages and she and I were not getting along. After getting down to the root of most of my issues I realized I had some emotions buried very, very deep towards my father. The story of my dad and I is really not worth explaining. Not because he isn't a good dad, just because it's long and a story of itself. I stopped going for a long time because of life basically. It just got ahead of us and we never went back again. Then last spring break (of 2010) shit hit the fan again with my dad and I felt like I needed to go back, so I did. I've been routinely going now for right at about a year and it's been great for me. I've let out tears, frustration, confusion, anger, and every other emotion you could possibly think of. The dilemma between my dad and I has been solved and he and I have been great, and I thank God for that every day. But, just because I'm at peace finally with everything doesn't mean I'm going to stop going to my counselor. He's been extremely beneficial for me, my emotions and ultimately my relationships with other people.
I say all of that to talk about one subject... love. Yes, that four letter word that confuses the complete hell out of the human species at some point in their lives. I have learned a lot about love throughout the past year. The main thing I can say about love is that it's hard. It's very, very, very hard. Unfortunately God didn't create love to be easy... in fact it's one of the hardest things to whole heartedly do. The bible verse (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, 13) that says "Love is patient, love is kind...." is ironic. Love, in fact, is not usually patient, nor kind, nor gentle, it's sometimes jealous... do you see where I'm going with this? We do things backwards and we're good at it. But that is what makes us human... and thank the good Lord above for grace and mercy because I would be lost without it.
I was talking to Kyle (my boyfriend, for those of you who don't know) a few weeks ago about relationships... particularly ours and I was telling him some things that I had been talking to my counselor about. I told Kyle that people have the right to ask what they want in a relationship, to sort of set expectations. He looked at me and said, "Well thanks, Dr. Phil for the insight." It rubbed me the wrong way because he wasn't taking our conversation seriously. I told him that just because I don't have that "Dr." in front of my name doesn't mean that I don't know anything about love. Kyle and I are very different and very alike in a lot of ways. We're both stubborn and extremely head strong... which as you can imagine can get pretty interesting. But we're both extremely goofy and at times pretty immature. I wouldn't trade him for the world... which in the end is really what matters. My counselor helped me let go of issues I had with a past relationship so I could move on in my life with Kyle. I had to really work on myself for a long time and understand that Kyle isn't the bad guy from my past... he's the good one of my future. Kyle and I have both been through pretty rocky relationships that have actually helped us in our relationship. We both know what we want and what we don't want. We both make mistakes some times and say things that we don't mean... but I know that when we both say, "I love you" we mean it. One of our friends has said, "When is the wedding?" or "I better be invited to the wedding!" before. Some probably think we don't have to work at our relationship... that it just comes naturally because we love each other. But it doesn't. Of course we love each other, but we have to work on ourselves every day. It's not always pretty, and it's not always patient or kind or gentle or what have you. But at the end of the day I know he is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. Through all of the petty things, all of the silly bickers we get into, we still love each other.
I don't know if any of you have seen the movie, "Grown Ups" with Adam Sandler, if you haven't you should... it's a pretty cute movie. Anyway, towards the end of the movie one of the characters says, "Life can be difficult sometimes, it gets bumpy. What with family and kids and things not going exactly like you planned. But that's what makes it interesting. In life the first act is always exciting. The second act... that is where the depth comes in.
The first part of a relationship is always exciting and new. You have butterflies when they call or when you see them for the first time that day, or when they hug you and kiss you. That's always there and it's one of the best feelings in life. The second part of a relationship is where the work comes in... and where you get down to the fact of the matter... where it makes or breaks you. Relationships are not about whether or not you and your better half agree on everything. Agreeing on everything isn't fun. What would there be to talk about if you never disagreed with each other? I'm not saying to disagree and argue about your opinions 24/7. But, people weren't created to all be the same, think the same, act the same... and so on. We were created completely different from one another, to have different values/morals, opinions, and expectations. Relationships are about disagreeing on what is important to one another and being able to work through that disagreement to reach an agreement. Do you see what I mean?
I may not be the smartest woman, or Dr. Phil, or Oprah, or Nancy Grace (haha), but throughout my life I have come to understand what love truly is. Which is something some people don't ever get a chance to figure out. Even though I have gone through hell and back to make sense of it all... I wouldn't trade any experience for the world because it got me to what I am and who I am with today.
