My relationship with my dad has always been a roller coaster. When I was in middle school/high school it was an okay relationship - we'd talk, I'd go see him on the occasional weekend, etc. Then, as I got older, things about my parent's divorce became clearer to me and I began to try to figure my dad out... which was a huge mistake. I wanted to understand why he did the things that he did, why he left Jeremy and I. Okay, so you're not happy with your marriage, but why punish your kids for that? I never could figure that out - until I realized that it wasn't me, it wasn't anything that I had done, and I couldn't change him or the way he behaves.
So, I got over it - it took me a couple of years, but I got over it. With a few counseling sessions, lots of tears, and the unconditional love that Kyle gave me when he came into my life, I started to understand things a little more.
Believe it or not, I started to understand my dad more. I realized there was a lot of immaturity within him that he will probably never be rid of. Don't get me wrong, my dad is smart. Probably one of the smartest men I know - but not when it comes to life lessons. And that's okay. I'm not angry at him for that. Like I said, I'm past it. I'm past the hurt. And, I love my dad... I always will.
But (of course there is a "but"), Father's Day isn't a good day for me. It isn't a day that I click my heels together from excitement. I don't go to church on Father's Day - I did this a few years ago, and I'll never do it again. I try to stay off of social media to avoid seeing people's pictures of them with their dad. I basically make a sorry attempt at pretending the day isn't honoring Fathers.
Yesterday, I called my dad. We casually talked - nothing monumental happened. I actually think he was shocked that I called. And that was my Father's Day... or so I thought.
Kyle's grandparents invited me to come down to their house and have a late lunch and go fishing in their catfish pond on their farm. Their house/farm is one of my favorite places to be. It's the epitome of tranquil. It's also where we shot our engagement pictures. :)
So, I went, hesitantly. Like I said, I didn't want to even acknowledge the day. But, how can I turn down Kyle's sweet grandparents? Exactly, I can't. I got down there, we ate sandwiches and chips, drank cold sweet tea, and Mawmaw's heavenly peach cobbler. Then, as the heat began to calm down, we went down to the pond and sat in some patio chairs while Kyle's sister, her husband, and their 2 kids caught a dozen+ catfish (I caught one as well). I sat beside Kyle's pawpaw as he cracked jokes left and right. We laughed so much. At one point I caught myself laughing my extremely loud laugh, that hasn't come out in a while. It was nice to let lose and actually enjoy Father's Day for once.
I realized after I left how much I really didn't want to go down there to begin with - but how glad I was that I did. It's so nice to see yourself make improvements over time.
 |
| Kyle's sweet Pawpaw and I sitting on the back of Kyle's old Toyota. We were coming back from the pond. |
 |
| My 1lb. catfish! I was pretty excited. :) |
No comments:
Post a Comment