You may be wondering why I am talking about love. Well, I recently saw a guy I, "talked" to when I was about 18 to 19. I went to eat lunch with my girlfriends after one of our finals were over, and to my complete amazement, there he was (he worked at the restaurant we went to). A guy I really did care about for a long time, but it didn't work out, and we knew it never would. This guy, I will call Trey (obviously not his real name). I became nervous, excited, hesitant, and totally anxious. I was apprehensive to get up from our table to go talk to him, but I knew if the tables were turned and I worked there, he would go out of his way to speak to me. So, I got up the courage to go talk to Trey and it went fine. It was a short, "Hey, how are ya?" kind of talk. There was a hint of awkwardness, simply because it had been so long since either of us saw each other. I went back to the table with my friends and could not concentrate on any conversation they were having. I'm sure it looked like I had seen a ghost. We giggled and joked about the awkward, but rather cute situation I was in, and enjoyed the rest of our lunch. When we got up to leave, I looked over and Trey was sitting near our table with some of his co-workers, we met halfway and said the typical, "Good to see you, hope you have a good day." And we left.
When we got in the car, I asked the girls if they thought I was being silly about what happened, and they all said no, that they would have acted the same way. But it made me think. I told them that the excited, nervous, anxious feeling I had wasn't because I wanted it back, but the memories it brought up, and what fun times they were. This whole thing made me really examine love and what it means. I never told Trey I loved him, nor did he tell me. But, in a strange way, I did love Trey but I wasn't in love with him. For those who think those are the same thing, you're wrong. They're not. I cared a lot for him and would've done a lot for him, but I could not see myself marrying him and living a beautiful life together. I know he will find someone one day that will love him passionately and unconditionally. We both want the other to be happy, which is what is important. There are no bitter feelings, no sadness, no regrets, or things we wish would have happened or things we would have changed. Our relationship was important to me and he will always be special to me.
I love Kyle. I have never met anyone that can make me cry and laugh at the same time the way he does. I would never trade him in for anyone or anything. He is my rock when I am down and he has also been the one to put things into perspective for me, to make me see the reality in things. He is my reality check, if you will. Not many people find that in life, and I'm thankful that I have. I am also thankful that I have had people like Trey to come along, who have helped shape my definition of what love is, who have helped me realize what I want in a man, and what I don't want. Those guys, some I am not a huge fan of, have honestly made me a lot stronger. Even the biggest douche bags I dated. And you know, I wish nothing but the best for them all. Kyle has also helped me rid some of the bitterness and down right hatred I had for some guys, which allows me to be thankful of that relationship, no matter how destructive or toxic it may have been. I learned, and that to me, is what is most important in life. To learn, and examine every aspect of what we encounter on a daily basis.
So, I don't have an answer for what love is. I think love is what you make it. Love can definitely be broken into a million pieces, and it can warm your heart for the rest of your life. I do know that, in order to love and be loved in return, all selfishness must exit your being in every way. Love is a very selfless act. It cannot be completely about you and your wants and needs, it has to be about the both of you (no matter what type of relationship it is). There has to be compromise (you cannot always have your way), trust (there really is no relationship without it), honesty (if you can tell a white lie, you can tell a big lie), forgiveness (let go what is holding your relationship back). Those are just a few characteristics of love I truly believe are vital to any relationship.
I hope each of you finds love one day. If you have to go through a few speed bumps along the way, know that everyone has had them. You're not the only one. I like ending with a quote, so here it is:
"I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are, or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together."
Julia Roberts
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