Half of My Heart

Well, Kyle is officially in Parris Island, SC. I know I've put that on Facebook already, and some of you are probably getting sick of me talking about him and the journey he has started. I would apologize for being annoying, but I won't. Talking about him being away helps me come to terms with reality and understand that he is really gone.

Sunday SUCKED. There is no other word for it. It just plain sucked. Kyle was so composed and relaxed while I was a big ball of mess on the inside. I kept it together for the most part. Mom said she was proud of the way I handled saying goodbye... I just thought, "Did YOU see me? Because I know I didn't handle that well. But, if you say so." It was probably one of the worst days of my life. Or the worst moment, anyway. At one point on the way home I told mom, "I know this is cynical to say, but I feel like Kyle is dead. I have his wallet, his phone, his belongings with me... but he isn't here. I feel like he is dead." I broke down again and mom reassured me that Kyle is alive... he is very much alive. I'm just not used to not hearing from him. When he worked for Aubrey-Silvey and was out of town I could still get in touch with him if I needed to. So, knowing that if I needed him, I could call was reassuring. Now, I won't hear him for 3 months. That may not seem like a long time to you... but it seems like forever to me. Luckily, there are letters... they do give them that much. 

This week will be the worst. Once I get the first letter I will be okay... I think. At least knowing he is okay will reassure me. Right now I just keep thinking, "What is he doing? Is he okay? Has he gotten yelled at? Has he had any sleep?" Pathetic, huh? I really should take a few deep breaths and realize that I will see him again in a few months... though it seems so far away. I do have things to keep myself busy. I have work, babysitting, Pinterest ideas and crafts, Christmas shopping, and quality family time. All the while, I'll be thinking of Kyle (that rhymed - my ADD is kicking in). 

I just miss my sweet man. I miss hearing his voice. CRAP. I'm crying now. Talking about missing him really gets my tear ducts moving. I'm okay until someone asks me if I'm okay... then I break down. Weird, huh? I know I've said it already, but prayers really are appreciated. Prayers for Kyle, mostly. Pray that his leadership skills will shine through and the drill instructors will see his full potential. Pray that he will not lose himself amongst all of the chaos - that he will stay the same silly, goof ball, comedian Kyle that we all know and love. Pray the Lord will put a shield over him through the next 3 months and keep him safe. Also, pray for me and our families. Both of our families love and miss him dearly. I know it's corny and cheesy, but part of my heart truly is in South Carolina for the next 13 weeks. I feel strange. My belly is in a weird state and my mind is at a constant state of wonder. If this doesn't show that I am madly in love with this man, I don't know what will.