Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Moving Forward

Well, 3 weeks have almost passed since Kyle left. 17 days to be exact. I'm actually doing okay. I've had my bad "moments" as I call them. I haven't necessarily had a bad day yet. I just have spurts where everything hits me all at once. With Christmas behind me, and getting closer to having a month under my belt, I'm feeling pretty good. Not great-- but good.

Christmas was definitely weird without Kyle here. There were times I caught myself not really looking for Kyle, because I obviously knew he wasn't there, but it was like a serious longing for him there. There were little moments that I just wanted him to be a part of so badly. When I opened up certain gifts, like the personal calendar my sister in law made us- I wanted him to see that. As well as a couple of "home" gifts my mom got me for Christmas. You never understand the love you truly have for a person until they are gone. I sort of had my hopes up that Kyle's drill instructors would let his platoon call home yesterday... but he didn't. I'm sure if I had not had my phone attached to my hip all day long, he would have called and I would have missed the call. HA! It'd be my luck.

Being with my family, sharing memories and lots of laughter truly helped my somber mood. There were a lot of laughs Sunday with my aunt and cousins. Christmas Eve was great with Kyle's family. When I wrote a letter to Kyle last night I told him that it almost felt like he was there because we talked about him so much. I would say, "Yeah, Kyle would say....." and we'd just laugh, because we could hear his southern accent cracking jokes at everyone and teasing his family... just doing what he does best. :)

All in all my Christmas was good. Some have asked how it was and I've been replying, "A little weird and different." But, it truly was different. The past 2 Christmases I've had Kyle there with me in the morning to exchange gifts with my mom. We've gone to his family gatherings, as well as mine. We've enjoyed time together and celebrated the birth of our Lord together. All of those things we did together. And though it hasn't been every Christmas for the past, say, 5 years or whatever like some people have... the past 2 years have felt like an eternity with Kyle because it feels like I have loved him my entire life. I know that sounds strange, but it's true.

I hope you and your family had a marvelous Christmas and truly relished the time you spent together. There were times when I thought of the families of the victims of the CT shooting. Those precious children with gifts under the Christmas tree were not there to open them and see what Santa brought, or eat lots of cookies and desserts and have full bellies before they were tucked into bed. I thought about them and suddenly realized that my circumstances could be a lot worse than what they were/are. I'm lucky... and incredibly blessed to what I have. Those families will never be the same, and their Christmases will probably always have a darkness looming nearby.

Be thankful, people.

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