handling life.

I don't think I've ever felt more overwhelmed in my entire life.

I take that back. Senior year of college and planning our wedding in 1 month were both pretty chaotic. Other than that, being a military spouse is hands down the most overwhelming experience I've ever endured.

Kyle is gone this entire week, training. He will come back Friday night, be home for the weekend, then leave again next week for Quantico, Virginia for 12 days (or more). I think he will be home for the first 2 weeks of February, and then he will leave for Cuba for 3 months.

I keep saying that I will deal with the anxiety once he leaves. My main reason is I don't want the next few weeks to just be a dreadful time for us. Someone once said, "If you go to the beach and it's beautiful on Saturday, but you know that Sunday is going to rain like hell, are you going to let it ruin the already beautiful day or are you going to go enjoy it?" It's a good comparison. Why would I let the next few weeks be doom and gloom when I can do that once Kyle leaves?

I don't think any military spouse can prepare themselves for the separation, no matter how long that separation may be. Then, when you reach out to people, or take to social media. Not necessarily to complain, but to ask for encouragement or prayers, you'll get the snide, crude remarks from people who don't know how to keep their mouth shut... "Well, you knew what you were doing when you married him." "You signed up for this." "These next few days (months, years, etc.) will be over before you know it!" It's like some people think that military spouses deserve the heartache because we married into the military. The way some people think....

Shut. Up. Just shut up.

I did not sign up for this. I did not swear in to the Marine Corps. I did not attend basic training. I signed up for Kyle. Way before the Marines were ever in his plans. Ironically, I can remember saying that I would never be a military wife. I remember saying that to Kyle when he joked about joining the military. I basically told him that it was me or the military... take his pick.

That was a joke. I knew that I would never give up on Kyle because he wanted to do something with his life. To be someone. To accomplish something in life.


So, yes. I knew that I was going to be separated from him. But, how do you prepare your heart, mind and soul for that? You can't. You cannot do it. Even the military spouses who have gone thru dozens of deployments say that they never get easier. You just slowly learn to deal with it. To accept it.

I can get thru 3 months. I don't know how I am going to get thru 7 months. I suppose a lot of grace and mercy are going to be handed to me over the next year and a half. That's honestly all I can ask for. Other than the good Lord above, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to do 2014.

No. Freaking. Clue.