It really is one of the hardest words to say. This became even more true this past Sunday when I had to leave Kyle after being with him for the weekend. It was one of the most excruciating days of my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true. We were both pitiful.
On one hand, I think it would have been easier had I not gone to see him. I had just gotten to an "ok" point with him being gone and then I go visit him and basically fall in love all over again and I feel like I'm back to square one. I cried hysterically on the way to the airport and had to pull over and have a moment. Then I cried on the plane. Thank God the flight was at night - they dimmed the lights on the plane so no one could see me cry, thankfully. Then, someone asked me how I was doing today and I just started crying.
Then on the other hand, I think about how awesome our weekend was and how nice it was to just be us again. We did normal things that we would have done back here in Carrollton. We even went to H&R Block to take care of his taxes. I didn't care though. Sure, I didn't particularly want to be there, but I was there with him.
I don't want to be here- in Carrollton. I want to be back in Jacksonville, NC with Kyle. Getting an apartment in Jacksonville has seriously crossed my mind, but then it left pretty quickly once I realized how big of a hassle it would be and how pointless it would be since he will only be there for another 6 weeks. It would be nice to see him every weekend, though.
Couples who don't have to go through long periods of absence are lucky. Sure, you may argue more, you may want to pull each other's hair out, you may wish you had more "you time." But you see each other daily. I am envious of you. I would do anything to be with Kyle right now. To sleep with him at night, to wake up to him in the mornings, to eat dinner together and watch TV and just have conversations in person with him. I'm lucky if I'm able to talk to him every day. And, if he does call, he has to hide under a blanket and whisper so softly that I can barely hear him. He thinks he's a thug. ;)
It was an awesome weekend. I just wish it had never ended. I needed more time with him- more kisses and hugs, smiles and winks, hand holding and cuddling. I just need him here and it is a horrible reality that we will not see each other for another several weeks. My heart is in so much pain.
"The day we met, frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found the home for my heart
Beats fast. Colors and promises.
How to be brave,
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
Watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away some how
One step closer
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more"
A Thousand Years Part 2 by Christina Perri
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