I haven't sat down to write anything in 5 months. A lot has happened since March. I'll sum up the last 5 months.
Kyle deployed to Cuba for 4 months on February 13th. During that time I was a nanny to precious twins. I gave me something to look forward to and it kept my mind busy. My parents visited me during a long weekend in March and that was a lot of fun! I felt like a real adult...showing them around the city of Virginia Beach and having guests in my home. I attended church every Sunday and really fell in love with the place. I truly look forward to going there each Sunday. Then, for Mother's Day I went home to Georgia - which was of course, awesome. I became really great friends with a couple of people and really began establishing friendships here in Virginia, which made time pass by a little quicker.
Kyle returned home June 6th. It was a great reunion. I don't think I've ever been more excited in my entire life. Being reunited with your best friend after a long period of time feels amazing. Your entire body feels whole. Though I hate deployments in general, I will say that they definitely make your desire for them much stronger (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
Our summer in Virginia Beach has been relatively chill. I suppose the most exiting things we've done is gone skeet shooting twice, hung out with friends a good bit, and gone to see movies, or just have a chill movie night at home. Kyle has also done a good bit of training. There was about 3 weeks where he wasn't here during week during the month of July. Now, our weekends basically consist of going to bed early on Friday nights, maybe doing something fun on Saturday, and church Sunday. Week nights are pretty touch and go. It all depends on what time Kyle gets home at night. On a typical night, he doesn't get home until around 6, sometimes later. He eats dinner, and then ends up falling asleep on the couch. I'll have to wake him up to take a shower and go to bed. So, on average, we see each other for maybe 2 hours during the week. I feel like it's a real treat when he gets home around 4 and we get to actually see each other for 4-5 hours.
I know this post sounds totally exhilarating and I'm sure it sounds like we have had a crappy summer. Do I wish we had more time together? Duh, what couple doesn't? But, the time we get together, no matter how little the time may be, is still great.
I constantly tell myself to think of the wives whose husbands are deployed right now who aren't getting to enjoy their summer together. So, I am very thankful for him being home. Unfortunately, deployment #2 will be occurring before the year is over with. I can't be specific with dates, but it is right around the corner.
We will be coming home next week for about 12 days and we are SO excited to see family and friends! We have been talking about it basically since Kyle got back from Cuba.
So, to sum up this blog post....
We're basically really old grandparents who don't have lives. The end.
;)
Friday, August 29, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
She Reads Truth: Psalm 130
I started following a series of devotions at the beginning of this year. I found it through Instagram. It's called "She Reads Truth". It has a specific focus on women, hence the "she" part. :) The creators send out a mass email of a new devotion every day. It's a short passage that would take the average reader about 5 minutes to read, if that. I normally read it as soon as I get to work, while the little babies are still calm and hanging out in their swings (I nanny twins that are 4 months old). It's a good time for me to read it because my mood is still calm, my head is clear, and my heart is open to whatever God's wants to show me. It's been pretty great. Some days I have found the devotion to hit me like a ton of bricks, and other days, not so much. I like that they're thought provoking and insightful. They have the perfect amount of depth and lightness all in one. I really enjoy them.
I encourage you (women) to check it out. Go to shereadstruth.com, click subscribe on the left side of the page, enter your email, and voila!
I don't participate in Lent, and don't really ever plan to. But, the creators of She Reads Truth came up with a new devotion plan for Lent. The new plan is to have all of the readers of SRT create their own devotion every Friday based on a specific bible verse assigned by the SRT creators/writers. Write the devotion either on paper, on a blog, on Facebook, etc. and then share it with the entire SRT community on their website by using the hashtags, #shereadstruth and #shesharestruth. So, there will be hundreds of reflections based on 1 bible verse. A different verse every week...how cool! So, every Friday until Easter, I plan to write a devotion according to she reads truth. Bare with me...when it comes to the Bible, I can become scattered with my thoughts.
This Friday, the focus is Psalm 130.
"Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord; Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins." (Psalm 130:1-8 NIVUK)
When I pulled up my Bible app on my phone and read this, the first verse immediately grabbed me. "Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord." I picture someone crying out of desperation. Eager to hear God's voice in their time of need. And I think, have I ever been that desperate? That eager for God to hear my prayer? Yes, I have.
The most recent time was 3 weeks ago...the day Kyle left for deployment. I came home after saying goodbye to Kyle and basically slept the whole day. I had been up since 3am with Kyle, preparing for him to leave, so I was exhausted. Once I woke up, I made my way to the kitchen, and before I even got there I basically threw my body on to the dining room floor and began to sob. I did this for about 15 minutes, during which I mumbled, "I want my baby back...bring my husband back....I don't want to do this. I cannot do this." I rubbed Drake's head... poor thing probably thought I was having a heart attack by the way I was acting. I was pretty pathetic. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to do life. My family is 600 miles away, I had no friends at that point, and my husband had just left for 3 months. Through an ugly cry and a broken voice, I finally said, "Jesus, I cannot do this! I need your help. I'm giving this to you. You have to pull me through this." And I meant every. single. word. After I frantically yelled that up to the ceiling of my apartment, I immediately felt this strange sense of peace, of calmness come over me. And I was ok. Not great, but ok. The tears had stopped, the anxiety and helplessness I felt had washed away. I pulled myself off the floor, wiped the tears from my eyes, and carried on.
This verse takes me back to the last moment that I truly cried out to Jesus...the last time I was completely desperate to hear his voice, or to feel like he was at least listening. I truly believe that sense of peace that I felt was Christ himself. I cannot say that I felt a hand on my shoulder, or a whisper in my ear, but the feeling I had inside was one I will never forget.
This passage also reminds me of a song my childhood church used to sing. The chorus went like this: "My hope is You. Show me Your ways. Guide me in truth, all of my days. My hope is You." How true are these words and the words in Psalm 130 to a Christian's heart? Isn't that what we as Christ followers strive for? To be guided by His word and to walk in the light with Him? That's what I strive for, anyway. Though, I may not always act like it through my actions or my words, in my heart, that is ultimately what I hope for.
I think this passage has a lot to do with putting your hope in Him...the only true One. Our Cornerstone, our Almighty, the King. We wait to hear God's voice speak to us and guide us through difficult times and even through easy times. I'm so thankful that I have God's everlasting promise of hope...even through the daily sins that I commit, His forgiveness withstands all of it, and He is there. Thank goodness, He is there.
I encourage you (women) to check it out. Go to shereadstruth.com, click subscribe on the left side of the page, enter your email, and voila!
I don't participate in Lent, and don't really ever plan to. But, the creators of She Reads Truth came up with a new devotion plan for Lent. The new plan is to have all of the readers of SRT create their own devotion every Friday based on a specific bible verse assigned by the SRT creators/writers. Write the devotion either on paper, on a blog, on Facebook, etc. and then share it with the entire SRT community on their website by using the hashtags, #shereadstruth and #shesharestruth. So, there will be hundreds of reflections based on 1 bible verse. A different verse every week...how cool! So, every Friday until Easter, I plan to write a devotion according to she reads truth. Bare with me...when it comes to the Bible, I can become scattered with my thoughts.
This Friday, the focus is Psalm 130.
"Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord; Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins." (Psalm 130:1-8 NIVUK)
When I pulled up my Bible app on my phone and read this, the first verse immediately grabbed me. "Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord." I picture someone crying out of desperation. Eager to hear God's voice in their time of need. And I think, have I ever been that desperate? That eager for God to hear my prayer? Yes, I have.
The most recent time was 3 weeks ago...the day Kyle left for deployment. I came home after saying goodbye to Kyle and basically slept the whole day. I had been up since 3am with Kyle, preparing for him to leave, so I was exhausted. Once I woke up, I made my way to the kitchen, and before I even got there I basically threw my body on to the dining room floor and began to sob. I did this for about 15 minutes, during which I mumbled, "I want my baby back...bring my husband back....I don't want to do this. I cannot do this." I rubbed Drake's head... poor thing probably thought I was having a heart attack by the way I was acting. I was pretty pathetic. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to do life. My family is 600 miles away, I had no friends at that point, and my husband had just left for 3 months. Through an ugly cry and a broken voice, I finally said, "Jesus, I cannot do this! I need your help. I'm giving this to you. You have to pull me through this." And I meant every. single. word. After I frantically yelled that up to the ceiling of my apartment, I immediately felt this strange sense of peace, of calmness come over me. And I was ok. Not great, but ok. The tears had stopped, the anxiety and helplessness I felt had washed away. I pulled myself off the floor, wiped the tears from my eyes, and carried on.
This verse takes me back to the last moment that I truly cried out to Jesus...the last time I was completely desperate to hear his voice, or to feel like he was at least listening. I truly believe that sense of peace that I felt was Christ himself. I cannot say that I felt a hand on my shoulder, or a whisper in my ear, but the feeling I had inside was one I will never forget.
This passage also reminds me of a song my childhood church used to sing. The chorus went like this: "My hope is You. Show me Your ways. Guide me in truth, all of my days. My hope is You." How true are these words and the words in Psalm 130 to a Christian's heart? Isn't that what we as Christ followers strive for? To be guided by His word and to walk in the light with Him? That's what I strive for, anyway. Though, I may not always act like it through my actions or my words, in my heart, that is ultimately what I hope for.
I think this passage has a lot to do with putting your hope in Him...the only true One. Our Cornerstone, our Almighty, the King. We wait to hear God's voice speak to us and guide us through difficult times and even through easy times. I'm so thankful that I have God's everlasting promise of hope...even through the daily sins that I commit, His forgiveness withstands all of it, and He is there. Thank goodness, He is there.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Lone Survivor
Tonight is pretty boring. Snow is falling down, it's a beautiful, frigid cold outside, I'm drinking a glass of wine, The State Of The Union is on TV (snore) and Lone Survivor (the book) is sitting on the coffee table in front of me.
I'm almost to Chapter 4 in the book. The chapters are pretty long, and it's a fairly "heavier" book than what I am used to reading. And, I'll just throw out that I'm not necessarily the fastest reader in all the land.
If you don't know the book I am talking about-- look it up, read the book, and/or see the movie. I'll tell you this just so you're not completely lost while reading this blog post- the Navy SEALs portrayed in the movie are based on real SEALs that went on Operation Redwing in 2005. Long story short, the mission went incredibly wrong because of the Taliban. Need I say more?
We went to see the movie almost 3 weeks ago and it has been on my mind ever since then. It was a very, very, very emotional movie. So emotional that I not only cried, I weeped while watching it. So much so, that Kyle leaned over about half way through the movie and asked me if I was going to be OK.
I have never in my life cried in a movie theater. Not because I'm not a crier, because God knows that I am. But, the movies that we typically watch in the theaters are not sensitive, emotional touching stories such as Lone Survivor.
Once the credits started rolling, the entire theater was silent. Not many people spoke. Many wiped their eyes, as did I, but it didn't help. Tears kept rolling, and once we got to our car, I completely fell to pieces. Kyle put his arm around me and assured me that he would never experience what the Navy SEALs in Lone Survivor went through.
I quickly reminded him, through sobbing tears and mascara smeared eyes, that it wasn't the fear that he would ever encounter the Talbian, Al-Qaeda, or any other terrorist group. It was the sheer fact that, I can somewhat compare myself to the wives, families, and friends of those SEALs. I'm not a SEAL spouse. Thank God above for that. But, I'm a military spouse. I'm a Marine Wife.
Do you know how heavy of a burden that is to carry?
Please don't think that I am mad or frustrated for having this burden. I'm honored, quite frankly. Who would ever be honored to carry a burden? Not many people. But, there is also something extremely terrifying about being a spouse to a Marine. Not because he is going to be deployed to a dangerous area and be at risk for injury or even death. But, knowing that anything can happen is frightening.
At any point, something could go wrong in the world we live in. And, as many know, the Marines are first in and last out. And, luckily for me, Kyle's company (FAST- Fleet Anti Terrorism Security Team, Alpha Company - 1st Platoon) is one of the first groups to be sent out. Not necessarily to the front lines, but to guard and control a United States Embassy in another country, or other U.S. government buildings, possibly to get a riot of some sort under control, etc.
That's a scary thought.
Don't get me wrong, the SEALs are on an entirely different level than any other branch of the armed forces. However, I can sympathize with the families of those who were portrayed in the movie Lone Survivor. No, I don't understand what they have endured in the past almost decade, but I can share a deeper bond with their pain than the average civilian can.
Go see the movie and/or read the book. It honestly will change your total outlook on the United States Armed Forces. It will give you more respect, and make you proud to be an American. But, it will also shatter and shake you a bit. I hope my "review" hasn't given you a bad outlook on the book/movie if you haven't read/seen it yet. Don't let my bellowing tears hinder you from witnessing an absolutely incredible movie.
Marcus Luttrell, the Lone Survivor, is a true American hero who I would love to meet someday.
I'll finish with something that Kyle said the day after we saw the movie. It resounded with me, for some reason. Probably because it came from Kyle who can, at times, be a man of very few words. Especially when it comes to in depth conversations (sorry, babe... you know it's true).
He said these simple words, "That guy has a lot of demons that will never go away."
How true those words are.
I'm almost to Chapter 4 in the book. The chapters are pretty long, and it's a fairly "heavier" book than what I am used to reading. And, I'll just throw out that I'm not necessarily the fastest reader in all the land.
If you don't know the book I am talking about-- look it up, read the book, and/or see the movie. I'll tell you this just so you're not completely lost while reading this blog post- the Navy SEALs portrayed in the movie are based on real SEALs that went on Operation Redwing in 2005. Long story short, the mission went incredibly wrong because of the Taliban. Need I say more?
We went to see the movie almost 3 weeks ago and it has been on my mind ever since then. It was a very, very, very emotional movie. So emotional that I not only cried, I weeped while watching it. So much so, that Kyle leaned over about half way through the movie and asked me if I was going to be OK.
I have never in my life cried in a movie theater. Not because I'm not a crier, because God knows that I am. But, the movies that we typically watch in the theaters are not sensitive, emotional touching stories such as Lone Survivor.
Once the credits started rolling, the entire theater was silent. Not many people spoke. Many wiped their eyes, as did I, but it didn't help. Tears kept rolling, and once we got to our car, I completely fell to pieces. Kyle put his arm around me and assured me that he would never experience what the Navy SEALs in Lone Survivor went through.
I quickly reminded him, through sobbing tears and mascara smeared eyes, that it wasn't the fear that he would ever encounter the Talbian, Al-Qaeda, or any other terrorist group. It was the sheer fact that, I can somewhat compare myself to the wives, families, and friends of those SEALs. I'm not a SEAL spouse. Thank God above for that. But, I'm a military spouse. I'm a Marine Wife.
Do you know how heavy of a burden that is to carry?
Please don't think that I am mad or frustrated for having this burden. I'm honored, quite frankly. Who would ever be honored to carry a burden? Not many people. But, there is also something extremely terrifying about being a spouse to a Marine. Not because he is going to be deployed to a dangerous area and be at risk for injury or even death. But, knowing that anything can happen is frightening.
At any point, something could go wrong in the world we live in. And, as many know, the Marines are first in and last out. And, luckily for me, Kyle's company (FAST- Fleet Anti Terrorism Security Team, Alpha Company - 1st Platoon) is one of the first groups to be sent out. Not necessarily to the front lines, but to guard and control a United States Embassy in another country, or other U.S. government buildings, possibly to get a riot of some sort under control, etc.
That's a scary thought.
Don't get me wrong, the SEALs are on an entirely different level than any other branch of the armed forces. However, I can sympathize with the families of those who were portrayed in the movie Lone Survivor. No, I don't understand what they have endured in the past almost decade, but I can share a deeper bond with their pain than the average civilian can.
Go see the movie and/or read the book. It honestly will change your total outlook on the United States Armed Forces. It will give you more respect, and make you proud to be an American. But, it will also shatter and shake you a bit. I hope my "review" hasn't given you a bad outlook on the book/movie if you haven't read/seen it yet. Don't let my bellowing tears hinder you from witnessing an absolutely incredible movie.
Marcus Luttrell, the Lone Survivor, is a true American hero who I would love to meet someday.
I'll finish with something that Kyle said the day after we saw the movie. It resounded with me, for some reason. Probably because it came from Kyle who can, at times, be a man of very few words. Especially when it comes to in depth conversations (sorry, babe... you know it's true).
He said these simple words, "That guy has a lot of demons that will never go away."
How true those words are.
Friday, January 24, 2014
this week.
This week went by pretty quickly, thank goodness.
Kyle had MLK day off on Monday, but still had to go into work for 2 hours for a "gear check" for this week. Which, was completely dumb, if I might add. A lot of things the Marines do are dumb... and I have no problem saying so.
I only had to work 1/2 day Monday. So, when I came home from work, Kyle was sitting in his pink saucer chair (it's really mine, he just uses it for when he plays xbox) in his underwear. I literally said to myself as I was walking up the stairs to our apartment, "I bet Kyle isn't even out of his boxers yet." He had actually been productive while I was working. He gave Drake a little hair cut and then took a shower, so he was in clean boxers.
I bet you could have gone without that little tid-bit of information, huh? You're welcome.
Anyway. We had a really good day. Then, Tuesday morning came and he gave me a sweet hug and left for 2 weeks. Or so I thought. I went to work, then went grocery shopping. Later on that afternoon I got a phone call from Kyle. I figured he would be telling me that he had made it to Quantico. Nope.
He was coming back home. *cue high pitched squeal*
Turns out, Quantico had already gotten so much snow, that they couldn't make it up there. I was so excited. So, he came home, changed clothes, then went to get us some dinner. By the time he came back home, there was about an inch of snow on the top of my car. The snow came down hard Tuesday night. Drake and I got out in it and had some fun. Wednesday morning, the family I work for text me and said they didn't want me driving in the snow, so I got the day off. Kyle got part of the morning off, kind of. He left at 9:15. But, it was still nice to hang out with him for a couple of hours.
When you're a military wife, you seriously soak up every. single. minute you get with your spouse. Especially if it's an unexpected minute, like with Kyle surprisingly coming home Tuesday night. You rarely ever get extra time. More often than not, time is taken away, not given. They leave earlier, or they come home later, etc.
This is the first weekend I'll be alone since we moved to Virginia, and it's going to be weird. I'm going to try not to get sad, because when I get sad, I stay sad. Not many people or many things can cheer me up the way Kyle can. I keep telling myself, "Stay positive, you'll see him next weekend."
I hope. That actually hasn't been confirmed yet. But, I'm crossing my fingers they will get to come home next Friday. If he doesn't, that means he only has 1 weekend home before he leaves for Cuba.
*sigh*
I'm sure that deployments suck... but the time leading up to the deployment really, really, really sucks.
Kyle had MLK day off on Monday, but still had to go into work for 2 hours for a "gear check" for this week. Which, was completely dumb, if I might add. A lot of things the Marines do are dumb... and I have no problem saying so.
I only had to work 1/2 day Monday. So, when I came home from work, Kyle was sitting in his pink saucer chair (it's really mine, he just uses it for when he plays xbox) in his underwear. I literally said to myself as I was walking up the stairs to our apartment, "I bet Kyle isn't even out of his boxers yet." He had actually been productive while I was working. He gave Drake a little hair cut and then took a shower, so he was in clean boxers.
I bet you could have gone without that little tid-bit of information, huh? You're welcome.
Anyway. We had a really good day. Then, Tuesday morning came and he gave me a sweet hug and left for 2 weeks. Or so I thought. I went to work, then went grocery shopping. Later on that afternoon I got a phone call from Kyle. I figured he would be telling me that he had made it to Quantico. Nope.
He was coming back home. *cue high pitched squeal*
Turns out, Quantico had already gotten so much snow, that they couldn't make it up there. I was so excited. So, he came home, changed clothes, then went to get us some dinner. By the time he came back home, there was about an inch of snow on the top of my car. The snow came down hard Tuesday night. Drake and I got out in it and had some fun. Wednesday morning, the family I work for text me and said they didn't want me driving in the snow, so I got the day off. Kyle got part of the morning off, kind of. He left at 9:15. But, it was still nice to hang out with him for a couple of hours.
When you're a military wife, you seriously soak up every. single. minute you get with your spouse. Especially if it's an unexpected minute, like with Kyle surprisingly coming home Tuesday night. You rarely ever get extra time. More often than not, time is taken away, not given. They leave earlier, or they come home later, etc.
This is the first weekend I'll be alone since we moved to Virginia, and it's going to be weird. I'm going to try not to get sad, because when I get sad, I stay sad. Not many people or many things can cheer me up the way Kyle can. I keep telling myself, "Stay positive, you'll see him next weekend."
I hope. That actually hasn't been confirmed yet. But, I'm crossing my fingers they will get to come home next Friday. If he doesn't, that means he only has 1 weekend home before he leaves for Cuba.
*sigh*
I'm sure that deployments suck... but the time leading up to the deployment really, really, really sucks.
Monday, January 13, 2014
handling life.
I don't think I've ever felt more overwhelmed in my entire life.
I take that back. Senior year of college and planning our wedding in 1 month were both pretty chaotic. Other than that, being a military spouse is hands down the most overwhelming experience I've ever endured.
Kyle is gone this entire week, training. He will come back Friday night, be home for the weekend, then leave again next week for Quantico, Virginia for 12 days (or more). I think he will be home for the first 2 weeks of February, and then he will leave for Cuba for 3 months.
I keep saying that I will deal with the anxiety once he leaves. My main reason is I don't want the next few weeks to just be a dreadful time for us. Someone once said, "If you go to the beach and it's beautiful on Saturday, but you know that Sunday is going to rain like hell, are you going to let it ruin the already beautiful day or are you going to go enjoy it?" It's a good comparison. Why would I let the next few weeks be doom and gloom when I can do that once Kyle leaves?
I don't think any military spouse can prepare themselves for the separation, no matter how long that separation may be. Then, when you reach out to people, or take to social media. Not necessarily to complain, but to ask for encouragement or prayers, you'll get the snide, crude remarks from people who don't know how to keep their mouth shut... "Well, you knew what you were doing when you married him." "You signed up for this." "These next few days (months, years, etc.) will be over before you know it!" It's like some people think that military spouses deserve the heartache because we married into the military. The way some people think....
Shut. Up. Just shut up.
I did not sign up for this. I did not swear in to the Marine Corps. I did not attend basic training. I signed up for Kyle. Way before the Marines were ever in his plans. Ironically, I can remember saying that I would never be a military wife. I remember saying that to Kyle when he joked about joining the military. I basically told him that it was me or the military... take his pick.
That was a joke. I knew that I would never give up on Kyle because he wanted to do something with his life. To be someone. To accomplish something in life.
So, yes. I knew that I was going to be separated from him. But, how do you prepare your heart, mind and soul for that? You can't. You cannot do it. Even the military spouses who have gone thru dozens of deployments say that they never get easier. You just slowly learn to deal with it. To accept it.
I can get thru 3 months. I don't know how I am going to get thru 7 months. I suppose a lot of grace and mercy are going to be handed to me over the next year and a half. That's honestly all I can ask for. Other than the good Lord above, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to do 2014.
No. Freaking. Clue.
I take that back. Senior year of college and planning our wedding in 1 month were both pretty chaotic. Other than that, being a military spouse is hands down the most overwhelming experience I've ever endured.
Kyle is gone this entire week, training. He will come back Friday night, be home for the weekend, then leave again next week for Quantico, Virginia for 12 days (or more). I think he will be home for the first 2 weeks of February, and then he will leave for Cuba for 3 months.
I keep saying that I will deal with the anxiety once he leaves. My main reason is I don't want the next few weeks to just be a dreadful time for us. Someone once said, "If you go to the beach and it's beautiful on Saturday, but you know that Sunday is going to rain like hell, are you going to let it ruin the already beautiful day or are you going to go enjoy it?" It's a good comparison. Why would I let the next few weeks be doom and gloom when I can do that once Kyle leaves?
I don't think any military spouse can prepare themselves for the separation, no matter how long that separation may be. Then, when you reach out to people, or take to social media. Not necessarily to complain, but to ask for encouragement or prayers, you'll get the snide, crude remarks from people who don't know how to keep their mouth shut... "Well, you knew what you were doing when you married him." "You signed up for this." "These next few days (months, years, etc.) will be over before you know it!" It's like some people think that military spouses deserve the heartache because we married into the military. The way some people think....
Shut. Up. Just shut up.
I did not sign up for this. I did not swear in to the Marine Corps. I did not attend basic training. I signed up for Kyle. Way before the Marines were ever in his plans. Ironically, I can remember saying that I would never be a military wife. I remember saying that to Kyle when he joked about joining the military. I basically told him that it was me or the military... take his pick.
That was a joke. I knew that I would never give up on Kyle because he wanted to do something with his life. To be someone. To accomplish something in life.
So, yes. I knew that I was going to be separated from him. But, how do you prepare your heart, mind and soul for that? You can't. You cannot do it. Even the military spouses who have gone thru dozens of deployments say that they never get easier. You just slowly learn to deal with it. To accept it.
I can get thru 3 months. I don't know how I am going to get thru 7 months. I suppose a lot of grace and mercy are going to be handed to me over the next year and a half. That's honestly all I can ask for. Other than the good Lord above, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to do 2014.
No. Freaking. Clue.
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