"Blessed" is a commonly used word around the holidays. Especially Thanksgiving. Many families will share one thing they're especially thankful for - and "blessed" will likely be said in the midst of giving thanks.
"I'm so blessed to have a healthy family."
"I feel blessed to have a great job."
"I'm blessed my children are such great kids."
This is a personal opinion, but the main people I see using the word "blessed" are Christians. "The Lord blessed me with _____." I'm not saying that we shouldn't use the term - or that we are using it inappropriately. But, I think we sometimes get lost in the word. I think people automatically assume that our blessings are only found in "happy" things. They're in what brings us joy and happiness.
I don't think that's entirely true.
I believe God's sole blessing is found in relationship. Notice what those 3 "I'm blessed" statements above have in common? Relationships - family, children, coworkers/friends. That is what He gives us. But, rarely are relationships easy. I don't think I have a relationship with anyone that has always been easy - that I've never had a negative feeling toward. It's human nature though - and it's an every day struggle. To love people - and learn what it means to truly love in the process.
Don't get me wrong - I am certainly blessed with a husband who provides and works hard, and loves me and all of my flaws. I'm blessed to have an incredible family in Georgia that are all so supportive and loving. I'm blessed to have fantastic friends who would do anything for me at the drop of a hat. I am undoubtedly blessed.
But, I'm also blessed with the crap - the situations and circumstances that annoy me - but end up paying off in the long run. The lessons I learn, the mistakes that I make every day. The relationships that aren't easy, the ones that try and test us. The ones that help us grow as an individual. Seems weird to feel blessed by that, doesn't it? Anything, or anyone that makes us question our love for people, that forces us out of our warm, comfortable spot on the couch, and into the broken chaos that is relationships.... Those are blessings, too.
So, leave that security every now and then. Challenge yourself to love those that aren't easy to love. In a time of fear and disorder - find peace and harmony with others. Be on the search for the good in people. It's hard. It is so, so hard. But, when you find it - man, the comfort and peace you will receive. Find that blessing from Him. The One from whom all blessings flow.
Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours.
#Blessed
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Veteran's Day
To me, every day is Veteran's Day. There isn't a moment that passes where I'm not thankful to each and every person that has signed a blank check payable to the United States of America. Their service, whether for one enlistment, or for 20+ years is commendable. To me, they are the epitome of bravery.
The men and women who have willingly volunteered for the United States Armed Services had no clue what their future held for them. They didn't know if they'd see a combat deployment, or if they'd ever see a deployment at all. But, they were willing to risk that "if" for the greater good. For their brother or sister in arms, and for the people on the home land. They knew there was a possibility they would be put in treacherous territory, but they signed anyway.
Or, maybe they were drafted - which, to me, is worse. They had no say in whether they fought or not. "Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival comes to mind. John Fogerty wrote the song in his bunk one night sitting in the middle of Vietnam. He didn't want to fight. "It ain't me", he wrote. What a gritty, yet simple lyric. They weren't really fighting because they believed in or understood what they were doing. They were fighting to get back home...they were fighting so the brother next to them could also make it home. They were fighting to stay alive. They deserve just as much respect and dignity as those who volunteered.
The thing about Veteran's Day now is that it doesn't feel as honored as it once did. I feel like our country has lost a lot of respect for authority in general, and with that authority, comes our military. I'm not sure when it happened, or why it happened. Maybe parents stopped teaching their children respect? Maybe the advance of technology somehow played a part? Maybe celebrities had an influence? Or, maybe, it was a compilation of all three? Regardless of who or what is to blame, the lack of respect for our Veterans needs to end. Now. More emphasis needs to be placed on Veteran's Day - about teaching our children/teens how significant the day is and what they can do to honor it.
My husband receives thank you's from different people throughout the year. His response is typically along the lines of, "Thank you. It's an honor to serve for those who still appreciate it." For those who still appreciate it. Who wouldn't appreciate it? That is what I don't understand. Here's a thought: if it weren't for them, consider where we as a country would be. The safety, the structure, and the overall well being of the United States. I think people in general like to believe that our nation is invincible. That we're indestructible and nothing bad will ever happen. We're a naive country full of extremely entitled people. If it weren't for our Veterans and the sacrifices they have made, who knows how stable our nation would be?
I truly believe recognition is so important. Maybe the only thing standing between a suicidal Veteran is a simple, "Thank you so much for your service. It doesn't go unnoticed by me and my family."
You never, ever know what someone is battling. If there is anyone who deserves our full attention, respect, honor, and help, it's our Vets. OUR Vets. They took an oath to defend us. It's our turn to help them.
The men and women who have willingly volunteered for the United States Armed Services had no clue what their future held for them. They didn't know if they'd see a combat deployment, or if they'd ever see a deployment at all. But, they were willing to risk that "if" for the greater good. For their brother or sister in arms, and for the people on the home land. They knew there was a possibility they would be put in treacherous territory, but they signed anyway.
Or, maybe they were drafted - which, to me, is worse. They had no say in whether they fought or not. "Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival comes to mind. John Fogerty wrote the song in his bunk one night sitting in the middle of Vietnam. He didn't want to fight. "It ain't me", he wrote. What a gritty, yet simple lyric. They weren't really fighting because they believed in or understood what they were doing. They were fighting to get back home...they were fighting so the brother next to them could also make it home. They were fighting to stay alive. They deserve just as much respect and dignity as those who volunteered.
The thing about Veteran's Day now is that it doesn't feel as honored as it once did. I feel like our country has lost a lot of respect for authority in general, and with that authority, comes our military. I'm not sure when it happened, or why it happened. Maybe parents stopped teaching their children respect? Maybe the advance of technology somehow played a part? Maybe celebrities had an influence? Or, maybe, it was a compilation of all three? Regardless of who or what is to blame, the lack of respect for our Veterans needs to end. Now. More emphasis needs to be placed on Veteran's Day - about teaching our children/teens how significant the day is and what they can do to honor it.
My husband receives thank you's from different people throughout the year. His response is typically along the lines of, "Thank you. It's an honor to serve for those who still appreciate it." For those who still appreciate it. Who wouldn't appreciate it? That is what I don't understand. Here's a thought: if it weren't for them, consider where we as a country would be. The safety, the structure, and the overall well being of the United States. I think people in general like to believe that our nation is invincible. That we're indestructible and nothing bad will ever happen. We're a naive country full of extremely entitled people. If it weren't for our Veterans and the sacrifices they have made, who knows how stable our nation would be?
I truly believe recognition is so important. Maybe the only thing standing between a suicidal Veteran is a simple, "Thank you so much for your service. It doesn't go unnoticed by me and my family."
You never, ever know what someone is battling. If there is anyone who deserves our full attention, respect, honor, and help, it's our Vets. OUR Vets. They took an oath to defend us. It's our turn to help them.
Monday, August 10, 2015
A hush-hush topic
The term "anxiety" makes people clinch up. It can be an uncomfortable topic for many. It is a mental illness/disorder. It is when your brain tells your body to freak out when there is no reason to. It is something people live with every day, and I feel like it needs to be brought to the surface a bit.
I cannot pin-point the moment I knew I was an anxious person. I think I always have been to some extent. The turning point came shortly after I began dating Kyle. It was a "something's gotta give" moment. I began taking medication and have been on it ever since.
The misconception behind anxiety (or even depression) is that we can control it, we just choose not to, or we take the easy way out with medication. I wish society understood how much of a blow that is to people with anxiety. I don't want to live this way - I don't want to take medication to ease my "condition". I have never met one person living with anxiety who enjoyed it. Anxiety and depression is not a choice.
Then there's, "But, if you have faith in the Lord and believe in the power of prayer then your anxiety will go away." Which is basically equivalent to saying, "Well, if only you had enough faith...." Having faith in God's ability to heal is obviously important - but to tell someone they shouldn't seek help, through either a counselor or medication, is the same as telling a person with a physical illness they shouldn't see a doctor. The only difference is you can see the symptoms of a person with a physical problem - mental illnesses are invisible.
I believe His word in Philippians 4 that says, 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I also believe His word in Psalms 139 that says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I was born imperfect in a fallen world. I was born with flaws, with traits that make me who I am, be that good or bad.
The thing about Philippians 4 is that it doesn't tell those living with anxiety that we shouldn't have it - it just means to not let it consume us - don't wallow in it. Asking God to help us and accepting His peace and reassurance when it comes, is key. Any believer of Christ knows that when you pray it isn't always automatically answered. In fact, it rarely ever is.
I have felt the guilt that comes with anxiety. Being married to a man who has the mindset of "if you can't change it, don't worry about it" is difficult. Let me note, Kyle, I am not mad at you for thinking this way. That is what makes him who he is. He is able to get past things quicker and easier than I am. He doesn't get nervous or anxious about anything. And, I love him for that. It helps balance me out. However, it can be extremely hard to explain why, when you're wrestling and he pins you down and you can't move, it leads to a mini panic attack. Or, when loud noises bother you. Don't even get me started on crowds. Try being married to a Marine - having no clue of what your future holds, their safety, the absence you go through. You spend so much time over thinking things and you become so, so overwhelmed. I say things I don't mean, and feel so remorseful later when I realize how bad it sounded. I feel ashamed for reacting a certain way to something someone says or does that is totally harmless. I want to blame it on my anxiety, but think that just sounds like a cop out for not taking responsibility for the way I reacted. So, I apologize, even though I really don't feel like I have anything to be sorry for.
See?! Anxiety literally plays mind games. It is so hard, folks. So, so hard.
Anxiety is so real.
But, so is Jesus. And so is His promise that He will always be with us. That is what I cling to, today and every day.
Praying for those who live with anxiety on a daily basis. Declaring that the peace of the Lord will reign over their anxiety and will cover them during the tough days the enemy throws at us. Praying that these people will seek help, whether it's through a counselor, medication, a supportive church family, or family and friends. Hiding behind anxiety is so unhealthy and gives the enemy even more opportunities to use it against us, but understanding your condition and trying to get on top of it, before it gets on top of you will help so much in the days to come.
I cannot pin-point the moment I knew I was an anxious person. I think I always have been to some extent. The turning point came shortly after I began dating Kyle. It was a "something's gotta give" moment. I began taking medication and have been on it ever since.
The misconception behind anxiety (or even depression) is that we can control it, we just choose not to, or we take the easy way out with medication. I wish society understood how much of a blow that is to people with anxiety. I don't want to live this way - I don't want to take medication to ease my "condition". I have never met one person living with anxiety who enjoyed it. Anxiety and depression is not a choice.
Then there's, "But, if you have faith in the Lord and believe in the power of prayer then your anxiety will go away." Which is basically equivalent to saying, "Well, if only you had enough faith...." Having faith in God's ability to heal is obviously important - but to tell someone they shouldn't seek help, through either a counselor or medication, is the same as telling a person with a physical illness they shouldn't see a doctor. The only difference is you can see the symptoms of a person with a physical problem - mental illnesses are invisible.
I believe His word in Philippians 4 that says, 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I also believe His word in Psalms 139 that says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I was born imperfect in a fallen world. I was born with flaws, with traits that make me who I am, be that good or bad.
The thing about Philippians 4 is that it doesn't tell those living with anxiety that we shouldn't have it - it just means to not let it consume us - don't wallow in it. Asking God to help us and accepting His peace and reassurance when it comes, is key. Any believer of Christ knows that when you pray it isn't always automatically answered. In fact, it rarely ever is.
I have felt the guilt that comes with anxiety. Being married to a man who has the mindset of "if you can't change it, don't worry about it" is difficult. Let me note, Kyle, I am not mad at you for thinking this way. That is what makes him who he is. He is able to get past things quicker and easier than I am. He doesn't get nervous or anxious about anything. And, I love him for that. It helps balance me out. However, it can be extremely hard to explain why, when you're wrestling and he pins you down and you can't move, it leads to a mini panic attack. Or, when loud noises bother you. Don't even get me started on crowds. Try being married to a Marine - having no clue of what your future holds, their safety, the absence you go through. You spend so much time over thinking things and you become so, so overwhelmed. I say things I don't mean, and feel so remorseful later when I realize how bad it sounded. I feel ashamed for reacting a certain way to something someone says or does that is totally harmless. I want to blame it on my anxiety, but think that just sounds like a cop out for not taking responsibility for the way I reacted. So, I apologize, even though I really don't feel like I have anything to be sorry for.
See?! Anxiety literally plays mind games. It is so hard, folks. So, so hard.
Anxiety is so real.
But, so is Jesus. And so is His promise that He will always be with us. That is what I cling to, today and every day.
Praying for those who live with anxiety on a daily basis. Declaring that the peace of the Lord will reign over their anxiety and will cover them during the tough days the enemy throws at us. Praying that these people will seek help, whether it's through a counselor, medication, a supportive church family, or family and friends. Hiding behind anxiety is so unhealthy and gives the enemy even more opportunities to use it against us, but understanding your condition and trying to get on top of it, before it gets on top of you will help so much in the days to come.
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Curve Ball
I really need to stop letting so much time go by before I write again. It's always such a therapeutic hobby for me.
Anyway...
Most of you have probably seen Bruce Jenner (or Caitlyn Jenner, however you wish to refer to him/her) on the cover of Vanity Fair. If you haven't, come out from your shell... just kidding. But, it has literally covered my Facebook and Instagram since it came out.
(Side note: For the sake of respect for Bruce/Caitlyn, I'm going to use female pronouns to refer to her in this post.)
People have different opinions when it comes to the transgender lifestyle. I honestly don't really know how I even personally feel about it. Part of me accepts it, and the other part of me is really confused by it. If my parent revealed to me that they have never been content in their own skin and have always yearned to identify as the opposite sex it would really confuse me. But, it would also break my heart to know they have lived so many years secretly unhappy.
So, I'm pretty much torn on the whole thing.
The other thing that has covered my Facebook/Instagram all week has been the jokes of her. Unfortunately, the majority of those jokes have come from "Christians". And, I really just don't understand...why spread so much hate for those who are different from us? This can honestly be spread across the board: different races, male vs. female, gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender. There has been a vast amount of hatred for so many "categories" of people that it's sickening. Answer this: how do you personally benefit from making fun of someone who chooses to live differently than you? I understand not agreeing with them - everyone is entitled to that. I get it. But, to go out of your way to tear someone down because you don't like how they're living - that, I don't get.
What most Christians are misunderstanding is this: God loves Caitlyn Jenner just as much as he loves you and me. *Shocking, I know*
Now is the perfect time for the church to turn things around and show the world how hard we can show love. Love for others who fall into every category we can think of. It's hard - believe me, I'm yelling this to myself as I type this. But, try to see the good in others before picking out the bad. Basically: take the stones out of your pockets, folks.
Bruce Jenner through a curve ball into society and became Caitlyn Jenner. And, that scares the hell out of a lot of people. But, let's not resort to bullying someone for being different from what we know and are comfortable with.
Instead, love them. Pray for them. Show the world that the church can rally around anyone - any race, any sexual preference, any culture, any religious belief, and truly....
with open arms, with acceptance, with kindness and warmth.... love them the way Christ would.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:7-8
Anyway...
Most of you have probably seen Bruce Jenner (or Caitlyn Jenner, however you wish to refer to him/her) on the cover of Vanity Fair. If you haven't, come out from your shell... just kidding. But, it has literally covered my Facebook and Instagram since it came out.
(Side note: For the sake of respect for Bruce/Caitlyn, I'm going to use female pronouns to refer to her in this post.)
People have different opinions when it comes to the transgender lifestyle. I honestly don't really know how I even personally feel about it. Part of me accepts it, and the other part of me is really confused by it. If my parent revealed to me that they have never been content in their own skin and have always yearned to identify as the opposite sex it would really confuse me. But, it would also break my heart to know they have lived so many years secretly unhappy.
So, I'm pretty much torn on the whole thing.
The other thing that has covered my Facebook/Instagram all week has been the jokes of her. Unfortunately, the majority of those jokes have come from "Christians". And, I really just don't understand...why spread so much hate for those who are different from us? This can honestly be spread across the board: different races, male vs. female, gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender. There has been a vast amount of hatred for so many "categories" of people that it's sickening. Answer this: how do you personally benefit from making fun of someone who chooses to live differently than you? I understand not agreeing with them - everyone is entitled to that. I get it. But, to go out of your way to tear someone down because you don't like how they're living - that, I don't get.
What most Christians are misunderstanding is this: God loves Caitlyn Jenner just as much as he loves you and me. *Shocking, I know*
Now is the perfect time for the church to turn things around and show the world how hard we can show love. Love for others who fall into every category we can think of. It's hard - believe me, I'm yelling this to myself as I type this. But, try to see the good in others before picking out the bad. Basically: take the stones out of your pockets, folks.
Bruce Jenner through a curve ball into society and became Caitlyn Jenner. And, that scares the hell out of a lot of people. But, let's not resort to bullying someone for being different from what we know and are comfortable with.
Instead, love them. Pray for them. Show the world that the church can rally around anyone - any race, any sexual preference, any culture, any religious belief, and truly....
with open arms, with acceptance, with kindness and warmth.... love them the way Christ would.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:7-8
Friday, August 29, 2014
Summer with the Marshall's
I haven't sat down to write anything in 5 months. A lot has happened since March. I'll sum up the last 5 months.
Kyle deployed to Cuba for 4 months on February 13th. During that time I was a nanny to precious twins. I gave me something to look forward to and it kept my mind busy. My parents visited me during a long weekend in March and that was a lot of fun! I felt like a real adult...showing them around the city of Virginia Beach and having guests in my home. I attended church every Sunday and really fell in love with the place. I truly look forward to going there each Sunday. Then, for Mother's Day I went home to Georgia - which was of course, awesome. I became really great friends with a couple of people and really began establishing friendships here in Virginia, which made time pass by a little quicker.
Kyle returned home June 6th. It was a great reunion. I don't think I've ever been more excited in my entire life. Being reunited with your best friend after a long period of time feels amazing. Your entire body feels whole. Though I hate deployments in general, I will say that they definitely make your desire for them much stronger (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
Our summer in Virginia Beach has been relatively chill. I suppose the most exiting things we've done is gone skeet shooting twice, hung out with friends a good bit, and gone to see movies, or just have a chill movie night at home. Kyle has also done a good bit of training. There was about 3 weeks where he wasn't here during week during the month of July. Now, our weekends basically consist of going to bed early on Friday nights, maybe doing something fun on Saturday, and church Sunday. Week nights are pretty touch and go. It all depends on what time Kyle gets home at night. On a typical night, he doesn't get home until around 6, sometimes later. He eats dinner, and then ends up falling asleep on the couch. I'll have to wake him up to take a shower and go to bed. So, on average, we see each other for maybe 2 hours during the week. I feel like it's a real treat when he gets home around 4 and we get to actually see each other for 4-5 hours.
I know this post sounds totally exhilarating and I'm sure it sounds like we have had a crappy summer. Do I wish we had more time together? Duh, what couple doesn't? But, the time we get together, no matter how little the time may be, is still great.
I constantly tell myself to think of the wives whose husbands are deployed right now who aren't getting to enjoy their summer together. So, I am very thankful for him being home. Unfortunately, deployment #2 will be occurring before the year is over with. I can't be specific with dates, but it is right around the corner.
We will be coming home next week for about 12 days and we are SO excited to see family and friends! We have been talking about it basically since Kyle got back from Cuba.
So, to sum up this blog post....
We're basically really old grandparents who don't have lives. The end.
;)
Kyle deployed to Cuba for 4 months on February 13th. During that time I was a nanny to precious twins. I gave me something to look forward to and it kept my mind busy. My parents visited me during a long weekend in March and that was a lot of fun! I felt like a real adult...showing them around the city of Virginia Beach and having guests in my home. I attended church every Sunday and really fell in love with the place. I truly look forward to going there each Sunday. Then, for Mother's Day I went home to Georgia - which was of course, awesome. I became really great friends with a couple of people and really began establishing friendships here in Virginia, which made time pass by a little quicker.
Kyle returned home June 6th. It was a great reunion. I don't think I've ever been more excited in my entire life. Being reunited with your best friend after a long period of time feels amazing. Your entire body feels whole. Though I hate deployments in general, I will say that they definitely make your desire for them much stronger (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
Our summer in Virginia Beach has been relatively chill. I suppose the most exiting things we've done is gone skeet shooting twice, hung out with friends a good bit, and gone to see movies, or just have a chill movie night at home. Kyle has also done a good bit of training. There was about 3 weeks where he wasn't here during week during the month of July. Now, our weekends basically consist of going to bed early on Friday nights, maybe doing something fun on Saturday, and church Sunday. Week nights are pretty touch and go. It all depends on what time Kyle gets home at night. On a typical night, he doesn't get home until around 6, sometimes later. He eats dinner, and then ends up falling asleep on the couch. I'll have to wake him up to take a shower and go to bed. So, on average, we see each other for maybe 2 hours during the week. I feel like it's a real treat when he gets home around 4 and we get to actually see each other for 4-5 hours.
I know this post sounds totally exhilarating and I'm sure it sounds like we have had a crappy summer. Do I wish we had more time together? Duh, what couple doesn't? But, the time we get together, no matter how little the time may be, is still great.
I constantly tell myself to think of the wives whose husbands are deployed right now who aren't getting to enjoy their summer together. So, I am very thankful for him being home. Unfortunately, deployment #2 will be occurring before the year is over with. I can't be specific with dates, but it is right around the corner.
We will be coming home next week for about 12 days and we are SO excited to see family and friends! We have been talking about it basically since Kyle got back from Cuba.
So, to sum up this blog post....
We're basically really old grandparents who don't have lives. The end.
;)
Friday, March 7, 2014
She Reads Truth: Psalm 130
I started following a series of devotions at the beginning of this year. I found it through Instagram. It's called "She Reads Truth". It has a specific focus on women, hence the "she" part. :) The creators send out a mass email of a new devotion every day. It's a short passage that would take the average reader about 5 minutes to read, if that. I normally read it as soon as I get to work, while the little babies are still calm and hanging out in their swings (I nanny twins that are 4 months old). It's a good time for me to read it because my mood is still calm, my head is clear, and my heart is open to whatever God's wants to show me. It's been pretty great. Some days I have found the devotion to hit me like a ton of bricks, and other days, not so much. I like that they're thought provoking and insightful. They have the perfect amount of depth and lightness all in one. I really enjoy them.
I encourage you (women) to check it out. Go to shereadstruth.com, click subscribe on the left side of the page, enter your email, and voila!
I don't participate in Lent, and don't really ever plan to. But, the creators of She Reads Truth came up with a new devotion plan for Lent. The new plan is to have all of the readers of SRT create their own devotion every Friday based on a specific bible verse assigned by the SRT creators/writers. Write the devotion either on paper, on a blog, on Facebook, etc. and then share it with the entire SRT community on their website by using the hashtags, #shereadstruth and #shesharestruth. So, there will be hundreds of reflections based on 1 bible verse. A different verse every week...how cool! So, every Friday until Easter, I plan to write a devotion according to she reads truth. Bare with me...when it comes to the Bible, I can become scattered with my thoughts.
This Friday, the focus is Psalm 130.
"Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord; Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins." (Psalm 130:1-8 NIVUK)
When I pulled up my Bible app on my phone and read this, the first verse immediately grabbed me. "Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord." I picture someone crying out of desperation. Eager to hear God's voice in their time of need. And I think, have I ever been that desperate? That eager for God to hear my prayer? Yes, I have.
The most recent time was 3 weeks ago...the day Kyle left for deployment. I came home after saying goodbye to Kyle and basically slept the whole day. I had been up since 3am with Kyle, preparing for him to leave, so I was exhausted. Once I woke up, I made my way to the kitchen, and before I even got there I basically threw my body on to the dining room floor and began to sob. I did this for about 15 minutes, during which I mumbled, "I want my baby back...bring my husband back....I don't want to do this. I cannot do this." I rubbed Drake's head... poor thing probably thought I was having a heart attack by the way I was acting. I was pretty pathetic. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to do life. My family is 600 miles away, I had no friends at that point, and my husband had just left for 3 months. Through an ugly cry and a broken voice, I finally said, "Jesus, I cannot do this! I need your help. I'm giving this to you. You have to pull me through this." And I meant every. single. word. After I frantically yelled that up to the ceiling of my apartment, I immediately felt this strange sense of peace, of calmness come over me. And I was ok. Not great, but ok. The tears had stopped, the anxiety and helplessness I felt had washed away. I pulled myself off the floor, wiped the tears from my eyes, and carried on.
This verse takes me back to the last moment that I truly cried out to Jesus...the last time I was completely desperate to hear his voice, or to feel like he was at least listening. I truly believe that sense of peace that I felt was Christ himself. I cannot say that I felt a hand on my shoulder, or a whisper in my ear, but the feeling I had inside was one I will never forget.
This passage also reminds me of a song my childhood church used to sing. The chorus went like this: "My hope is You. Show me Your ways. Guide me in truth, all of my days. My hope is You." How true are these words and the words in Psalm 130 to a Christian's heart? Isn't that what we as Christ followers strive for? To be guided by His word and to walk in the light with Him? That's what I strive for, anyway. Though, I may not always act like it through my actions or my words, in my heart, that is ultimately what I hope for.
I think this passage has a lot to do with putting your hope in Him...the only true One. Our Cornerstone, our Almighty, the King. We wait to hear God's voice speak to us and guide us through difficult times and even through easy times. I'm so thankful that I have God's everlasting promise of hope...even through the daily sins that I commit, His forgiveness withstands all of it, and He is there. Thank goodness, He is there.
I encourage you (women) to check it out. Go to shereadstruth.com, click subscribe on the left side of the page, enter your email, and voila!
I don't participate in Lent, and don't really ever plan to. But, the creators of She Reads Truth came up with a new devotion plan for Lent. The new plan is to have all of the readers of SRT create their own devotion every Friday based on a specific bible verse assigned by the SRT creators/writers. Write the devotion either on paper, on a blog, on Facebook, etc. and then share it with the entire SRT community on their website by using the hashtags, #shereadstruth and #shesharestruth. So, there will be hundreds of reflections based on 1 bible verse. A different verse every week...how cool! So, every Friday until Easter, I plan to write a devotion according to she reads truth. Bare with me...when it comes to the Bible, I can become scattered with my thoughts.
This Friday, the focus is Psalm 130.
"Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord; Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins." (Psalm 130:1-8 NIVUK)
When I pulled up my Bible app on my phone and read this, the first verse immediately grabbed me. "Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord." I picture someone crying out of desperation. Eager to hear God's voice in their time of need. And I think, have I ever been that desperate? That eager for God to hear my prayer? Yes, I have.
The most recent time was 3 weeks ago...the day Kyle left for deployment. I came home after saying goodbye to Kyle and basically slept the whole day. I had been up since 3am with Kyle, preparing for him to leave, so I was exhausted. Once I woke up, I made my way to the kitchen, and before I even got there I basically threw my body on to the dining room floor and began to sob. I did this for about 15 minutes, during which I mumbled, "I want my baby back...bring my husband back....I don't want to do this. I cannot do this." I rubbed Drake's head... poor thing probably thought I was having a heart attack by the way I was acting. I was pretty pathetic. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to do life. My family is 600 miles away, I had no friends at that point, and my husband had just left for 3 months. Through an ugly cry and a broken voice, I finally said, "Jesus, I cannot do this! I need your help. I'm giving this to you. You have to pull me through this." And I meant every. single. word. After I frantically yelled that up to the ceiling of my apartment, I immediately felt this strange sense of peace, of calmness come over me. And I was ok. Not great, but ok. The tears had stopped, the anxiety and helplessness I felt had washed away. I pulled myself off the floor, wiped the tears from my eyes, and carried on.
This verse takes me back to the last moment that I truly cried out to Jesus...the last time I was completely desperate to hear his voice, or to feel like he was at least listening. I truly believe that sense of peace that I felt was Christ himself. I cannot say that I felt a hand on my shoulder, or a whisper in my ear, but the feeling I had inside was one I will never forget.
This passage also reminds me of a song my childhood church used to sing. The chorus went like this: "My hope is You. Show me Your ways. Guide me in truth, all of my days. My hope is You." How true are these words and the words in Psalm 130 to a Christian's heart? Isn't that what we as Christ followers strive for? To be guided by His word and to walk in the light with Him? That's what I strive for, anyway. Though, I may not always act like it through my actions or my words, in my heart, that is ultimately what I hope for.
I think this passage has a lot to do with putting your hope in Him...the only true One. Our Cornerstone, our Almighty, the King. We wait to hear God's voice speak to us and guide us through difficult times and even through easy times. I'm so thankful that I have God's everlasting promise of hope...even through the daily sins that I commit, His forgiveness withstands all of it, and He is there. Thank goodness, He is there.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Lone Survivor
Tonight is pretty boring. Snow is falling down, it's a beautiful, frigid cold outside, I'm drinking a glass of wine, The State Of The Union is on TV (snore) and Lone Survivor (the book) is sitting on the coffee table in front of me.
I'm almost to Chapter 4 in the book. The chapters are pretty long, and it's a fairly "heavier" book than what I am used to reading. And, I'll just throw out that I'm not necessarily the fastest reader in all the land.
If you don't know the book I am talking about-- look it up, read the book, and/or see the movie. I'll tell you this just so you're not completely lost while reading this blog post- the Navy SEALs portrayed in the movie are based on real SEALs that went on Operation Redwing in 2005. Long story short, the mission went incredibly wrong because of the Taliban. Need I say more?
We went to see the movie almost 3 weeks ago and it has been on my mind ever since then. It was a very, very, very emotional movie. So emotional that I not only cried, I weeped while watching it. So much so, that Kyle leaned over about half way through the movie and asked me if I was going to be OK.
I have never in my life cried in a movie theater. Not because I'm not a crier, because God knows that I am. But, the movies that we typically watch in the theaters are not sensitive, emotional touching stories such as Lone Survivor.
Once the credits started rolling, the entire theater was silent. Not many people spoke. Many wiped their eyes, as did I, but it didn't help. Tears kept rolling, and once we got to our car, I completely fell to pieces. Kyle put his arm around me and assured me that he would never experience what the Navy SEALs in Lone Survivor went through.
I quickly reminded him, through sobbing tears and mascara smeared eyes, that it wasn't the fear that he would ever encounter the Talbian, Al-Qaeda, or any other terrorist group. It was the sheer fact that, I can somewhat compare myself to the wives, families, and friends of those SEALs. I'm not a SEAL spouse. Thank God above for that. But, I'm a military spouse. I'm a Marine Wife.
Do you know how heavy of a burden that is to carry?
Please don't think that I am mad or frustrated for having this burden. I'm honored, quite frankly. Who would ever be honored to carry a burden? Not many people. But, there is also something extremely terrifying about being a spouse to a Marine. Not because he is going to be deployed to a dangerous area and be at risk for injury or even death. But, knowing that anything can happen is frightening.
At any point, something could go wrong in the world we live in. And, as many know, the Marines are first in and last out. And, luckily for me, Kyle's company (FAST- Fleet Anti Terrorism Security Team, Alpha Company - 1st Platoon) is one of the first groups to be sent out. Not necessarily to the front lines, but to guard and control a United States Embassy in another country, or other U.S. government buildings, possibly to get a riot of some sort under control, etc.
That's a scary thought.
Don't get me wrong, the SEALs are on an entirely different level than any other branch of the armed forces. However, I can sympathize with the families of those who were portrayed in the movie Lone Survivor. No, I don't understand what they have endured in the past almost decade, but I can share a deeper bond with their pain than the average civilian can.
Go see the movie and/or read the book. It honestly will change your total outlook on the United States Armed Forces. It will give you more respect, and make you proud to be an American. But, it will also shatter and shake you a bit. I hope my "review" hasn't given you a bad outlook on the book/movie if you haven't read/seen it yet. Don't let my bellowing tears hinder you from witnessing an absolutely incredible movie.
Marcus Luttrell, the Lone Survivor, is a true American hero who I would love to meet someday.
I'll finish with something that Kyle said the day after we saw the movie. It resounded with me, for some reason. Probably because it came from Kyle who can, at times, be a man of very few words. Especially when it comes to in depth conversations (sorry, babe... you know it's true).
He said these simple words, "That guy has a lot of demons that will never go away."
How true those words are.
I'm almost to Chapter 4 in the book. The chapters are pretty long, and it's a fairly "heavier" book than what I am used to reading. And, I'll just throw out that I'm not necessarily the fastest reader in all the land.
If you don't know the book I am talking about-- look it up, read the book, and/or see the movie. I'll tell you this just so you're not completely lost while reading this blog post- the Navy SEALs portrayed in the movie are based on real SEALs that went on Operation Redwing in 2005. Long story short, the mission went incredibly wrong because of the Taliban. Need I say more?
We went to see the movie almost 3 weeks ago and it has been on my mind ever since then. It was a very, very, very emotional movie. So emotional that I not only cried, I weeped while watching it. So much so, that Kyle leaned over about half way through the movie and asked me if I was going to be OK.
I have never in my life cried in a movie theater. Not because I'm not a crier, because God knows that I am. But, the movies that we typically watch in the theaters are not sensitive, emotional touching stories such as Lone Survivor.
Once the credits started rolling, the entire theater was silent. Not many people spoke. Many wiped their eyes, as did I, but it didn't help. Tears kept rolling, and once we got to our car, I completely fell to pieces. Kyle put his arm around me and assured me that he would never experience what the Navy SEALs in Lone Survivor went through.
I quickly reminded him, through sobbing tears and mascara smeared eyes, that it wasn't the fear that he would ever encounter the Talbian, Al-Qaeda, or any other terrorist group. It was the sheer fact that, I can somewhat compare myself to the wives, families, and friends of those SEALs. I'm not a SEAL spouse. Thank God above for that. But, I'm a military spouse. I'm a Marine Wife.
Do you know how heavy of a burden that is to carry?
Please don't think that I am mad or frustrated for having this burden. I'm honored, quite frankly. Who would ever be honored to carry a burden? Not many people. But, there is also something extremely terrifying about being a spouse to a Marine. Not because he is going to be deployed to a dangerous area and be at risk for injury or even death. But, knowing that anything can happen is frightening.
At any point, something could go wrong in the world we live in. And, as many know, the Marines are first in and last out. And, luckily for me, Kyle's company (FAST- Fleet Anti Terrorism Security Team, Alpha Company - 1st Platoon) is one of the first groups to be sent out. Not necessarily to the front lines, but to guard and control a United States Embassy in another country, or other U.S. government buildings, possibly to get a riot of some sort under control, etc.
That's a scary thought.
Don't get me wrong, the SEALs are on an entirely different level than any other branch of the armed forces. However, I can sympathize with the families of those who were portrayed in the movie Lone Survivor. No, I don't understand what they have endured in the past almost decade, but I can share a deeper bond with their pain than the average civilian can.
Go see the movie and/or read the book. It honestly will change your total outlook on the United States Armed Forces. It will give you more respect, and make you proud to be an American. But, it will also shatter and shake you a bit. I hope my "review" hasn't given you a bad outlook on the book/movie if you haven't read/seen it yet. Don't let my bellowing tears hinder you from witnessing an absolutely incredible movie.
Marcus Luttrell, the Lone Survivor, is a true American hero who I would love to meet someday.
I'll finish with something that Kyle said the day after we saw the movie. It resounded with me, for some reason. Probably because it came from Kyle who can, at times, be a man of very few words. Especially when it comes to in depth conversations (sorry, babe... you know it's true).
He said these simple words, "That guy has a lot of demons that will never go away."
How true those words are.
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