Tonight is the first of many nights alone ahead of me.
This week Kyle's platoon is "in the field". Basically meaning they are training and won't be coming home at night. He left early this morning and won't be back until Friday afternoon.
This sucks.
I've tried to tell myself that it's only 4 full days without him, I will be fine. But, after finally being together for 2 months straight. Sleeping in the same bed, doing husband and wife stuff, eating dinner together at night. Now, all of a sudden he leaves, it's sort of like a smack in the face.
Unfortunately, come February (13th or 14th), Kyle will leave for Cuba for 3 months. So, I need to get acclimated to being alone at night. during the day.
all. the. time.
I'm proud of Kyle every single day of my life. But, sometimes his job seriously sucks.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Home.
Last weekend I had the opportunity to go home and visit family. My nephew was born about a month ago, and I have been itching to finally meet him since then. I chose to go before Thanksgiving so that Kyle and I could spend Thanksgiving together. He could have come home with me, but we really wouldn't have had much time at home. Plus, flights ain't cheap. We wanted to save our money for Christmas.
I flew home early Saturday morning and was at my brother's house in Temple by 9:30am. I finally got to meet sweet little Everett! He truly is a bundle of love. He just made me feel good...as strange as that sounds. It's magical how babies can make you feel, the emotions that emerge when you hold one that is close to you. Holding a new life in your hands makes you understand how precious life is and how often we take it for granted.
That day was awesome. But, as the day passed and I spent more time in my mom's home an unsettling feeling came over me. And, by that evening I was in tears. At first I couldn't explain why. I wasn't sure if I was just missing Kyle, or if it was emotions from seeing Everett. I slowly started to understand that it was a mixture of a lot of things. The main thing being that my home was no longer "my home". Virginia was my home, my place of residence. I no longer live in Carrollton. And, I'm not sure it fully hit me until I walked into my room that is no longer "my room". The walls are bare, the feeling of it being my sanctuary is gone, and the overall atmosphere has completely changed.
It broke me in two. To come "home" to a room that doesn't look or feel the same was really, really tough. Don't get me wrong, (mom, I know you're reading this) - I fully enjoyed the time I spent in Georgia. I loved being able to see my nephew, brother, and sister in law. Being able to go to a church that felt like "home" was awesome, getting to see the Christmas tree being put up was nice as well.
But, I felt a little more complete when I got to Virginia. No, it's not Georgia. It's not the south. It's not my mom's house. It's not my old room that I adored. I'm 10 hours from "home". But, I was with my husband and my sweet dog. And, that is home for me now. That is a hard acceptance that I have slowly made over the past few days.
After Kyle got home from work last night we talked about my visit and I told him how much I missed him. He teased me about it and said that I didn't miss him, yada, yada, yada. The usual hard time that Kyle always gives me when I'm trying to be sweet. I then teared up as we were talking and he asked what was wrong. I told him that he didn't realize how hard it was for me when I went home. He hugged me and we talked a little more about how everything went and he said, "Well, home is where the heart is, and I know our hearts are in Georgia, but for now, this is our home."
A huge piece of us will always be in Georgia... and no place that we ever live will ever feel like Georgia. But, we have to create a new normal... and that new normal is in Virginia.
I flew home early Saturday morning and was at my brother's house in Temple by 9:30am. I finally got to meet sweet little Everett! He truly is a bundle of love. He just made me feel good...as strange as that sounds. It's magical how babies can make you feel, the emotions that emerge when you hold one that is close to you. Holding a new life in your hands makes you understand how precious life is and how often we take it for granted.
That day was awesome. But, as the day passed and I spent more time in my mom's home an unsettling feeling came over me. And, by that evening I was in tears. At first I couldn't explain why. I wasn't sure if I was just missing Kyle, or if it was emotions from seeing Everett. I slowly started to understand that it was a mixture of a lot of things. The main thing being that my home was no longer "my home". Virginia was my home, my place of residence. I no longer live in Carrollton. And, I'm not sure it fully hit me until I walked into my room that is no longer "my room". The walls are bare, the feeling of it being my sanctuary is gone, and the overall atmosphere has completely changed.
It broke me in two. To come "home" to a room that doesn't look or feel the same was really, really tough. Don't get me wrong, (mom, I know you're reading this) - I fully enjoyed the time I spent in Georgia. I loved being able to see my nephew, brother, and sister in law. Being able to go to a church that felt like "home" was awesome, getting to see the Christmas tree being put up was nice as well.
But, I felt a little more complete when I got to Virginia. No, it's not Georgia. It's not the south. It's not my mom's house. It's not my old room that I adored. I'm 10 hours from "home". But, I was with my husband and my sweet dog. And, that is home for me now. That is a hard acceptance that I have slowly made over the past few days.
After Kyle got home from work last night we talked about my visit and I told him how much I missed him. He teased me about it and said that I didn't miss him, yada, yada, yada. The usual hard time that Kyle always gives me when I'm trying to be sweet. I then teared up as we were talking and he asked what was wrong. I told him that he didn't realize how hard it was for me when I went home. He hugged me and we talked a little more about how everything went and he said, "Well, home is where the heart is, and I know our hearts are in Georgia, but for now, this is our home."
A huge piece of us will always be in Georgia... and no place that we ever live will ever feel like Georgia. But, we have to create a new normal... and that new normal is in Virginia.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Virginia.
It's been over 3 months since I took the time to sit down and write. At this moment, I'm sitting on our couch. "Moneyball" is on TV. Drake is sprawled out below my feet. And, Kyle is sound asleep on the loveseat. This is our Friday night and it suits me just fine.
In the past 3 months...actually, life was pretty normal until October 18th when Kyle called me and said he was coming home for the weekend to move me to Virginia.
Yeah. *cue the curve ball being thrown my way.*
We knew that they would be sending Kyle down to help move our belongings to Virginia before November. But, I was hoping for some sort of heads up - a phone call 2 weeks in advance, perhaps.
*Now, cue the Marine Corps laughing in my face.*
They literally told Kyle at 3:30pm October 18th (Friday) that he was clear to go home for the weekend to help me move. He flew home that day and I picked him up around 8pm that night. We had a "calm before the storm day" the next day (Saturday). Sunday after church, we picked up the moving truck and began packing things in. Luckily, I had already began boxing up most of our belongings back in September. Plus, we didn't have much. No furniture besides my bedroom furniture to go in the guest room and the dining room table & chairs I bought off Craigslist. Other than that, it was all boxes of stuff.
Monday was really, really, really difficult. I cried off and on throughout the day. Saying goodbye to my sister in law (who was pregnant at the time) was hard because I knew that I wouldn't be in town for the birth of my brother's first child. That was a hard realization to accept.
Tuesday morning at 5:15 my alarm clock went off and there was an immediate hole in my stomach from the agony I was about to endure. My mom and step dad woke up shortly after we did and I could see my mom's sad, red face. She had already been crying that morning. I held it together fairly well. But, when my mom hugged Kyle and told him, "You have to take care of her. I've taken care of her for 23 years... you promise me you'll take care of her." I had to walk away to avoid a breakdown. (Now I'm crying.)
Mom held it together after that. I didn't do a lot of hugging because I knew if I did I would lose it. I tried to keep a smile on my face and fight through the tears. I told her I would call her in a few hours and that I would see her soon. That was my way of not acknowledging what was happening.
Once we passed South Carolina and my itunes shuffle started playing sad songs, I teared up. But, I honestly blocked a lot of the sadness out. I was trying to not let myself feel, I guess. I had to drive Kyle's big truck, and I wanted to concentrate without having tears in my eyes.
I was so excited once we finally got to our apartment. Our first home together. Those first few days here were exhausting. We woke up early and went to bed late. Setting things up, furniture shopping, and little home improvement projects. I finally caught up on some sleep Thursday night, only to be woken by a phone call from my mom at 6am. I knew what it was.
Allison (my sister in law) was in labor.
I said hello, my mom said my name to me like she always does when I answer the phone. And I said, "Allison is in labor isn't she?" My mom then proceeded to tell me that her water broke the night before and they were at the hospital.
About an hour and a half later, my nephew was born. I was so excited and happy for my brother & Allison. So grateful that she and Everett were both healthy and all was well. But, my heart ached that I wasn't there to rejoice in his birth. My brother called me around 11/12 that morning/afternoon and we talked for about 30 minutes and it made me feel a lot better. I started getting picture after picture of him and each one felt and still feels like a present I open on Christmas morning.
A lot of people have asked how our move went. Overall, I'd say it went pretty well. The worst thing was not having furniture for 9 days, but we still had my bedroom furniture, so we had something to sleep on. Other than that, it went great.
Virginia sure ain't Georgia, but it reminds me a little of Georgia - the landscaping, the environment and the overall feel of our location in Virginia Beach. The people here aren't quite as friendly and "southernly" as Georgians are...and I miss that. I miss the southern accents. I can't tell you how many times my accent has been brought up in conversation.
As far as my employment/job search- I'm not going to get a teaching job, at least until next school year. There really weren't any openings once I moved up here. So, I went to care.com to see if any families were in need of a full time nanny. I met with a couple of families from care.com and they just didn't feel like a good fit, so I branched my search to sittercity.com and had some luck! I met with a family a little over a week ago and they offered me a full time nanny position (4 days a week- 34 hours a week) for their 1.5 year old boy. They're a sweet family from what I can tell. I start December 2nd! I'm really excited to finally pull my weight and contribute to our "household". Not to mention, it will be a way for me to get out of this apartment during the day. And, I have Fridays off...who doesn't love a 3 day weekend?
Kyle's job has been going well. This past week he has worked 12+ hour days. He wakes up at 5am to be at work at 6am. It's about a 20-25 minute drive from our apartment to the base in Norfolk. This week he hasn't been home before 6:30. He's been worn out every night.
We've really enjoyed cooking and goofing off together. We haven't done much exploring yet. We haven't really had a chance to because we've been so busy setting up our apartment and putting things where we want them, organizing closets and storage areas. This weekend will finally be a relaxing weekend that we don't have anything on our to-do list. Kyle mentioned taking Drake to the beach (which is literally 5 minutes from our place).
Be looking out for pictures of our apartment on Facebook and Instagram. I could go ahead and post pictures of what we have set up now, but I'm a little weird and want to wait until all pictures/wall decorations are hung up. :) It's exciting to have a place that you can call your own.
But, home will always be in Georgia.
In the past 3 months...actually, life was pretty normal until October 18th when Kyle called me and said he was coming home for the weekend to move me to Virginia.
Yeah. *cue the curve ball being thrown my way.*
We knew that they would be sending Kyle down to help move our belongings to Virginia before November. But, I was hoping for some sort of heads up - a phone call 2 weeks in advance, perhaps.
*Now, cue the Marine Corps laughing in my face.*
They literally told Kyle at 3:30pm October 18th (Friday) that he was clear to go home for the weekend to help me move. He flew home that day and I picked him up around 8pm that night. We had a "calm before the storm day" the next day (Saturday). Sunday after church, we picked up the moving truck and began packing things in. Luckily, I had already began boxing up most of our belongings back in September. Plus, we didn't have much. No furniture besides my bedroom furniture to go in the guest room and the dining room table & chairs I bought off Craigslist. Other than that, it was all boxes of stuff.
Monday was really, really, really difficult. I cried off and on throughout the day. Saying goodbye to my sister in law (who was pregnant at the time) was hard because I knew that I wouldn't be in town for the birth of my brother's first child. That was a hard realization to accept.
Tuesday morning at 5:15 my alarm clock went off and there was an immediate hole in my stomach from the agony I was about to endure. My mom and step dad woke up shortly after we did and I could see my mom's sad, red face. She had already been crying that morning. I held it together fairly well. But, when my mom hugged Kyle and told him, "You have to take care of her. I've taken care of her for 23 years... you promise me you'll take care of her." I had to walk away to avoid a breakdown. (Now I'm crying.)
Mom held it together after that. I didn't do a lot of hugging because I knew if I did I would lose it. I tried to keep a smile on my face and fight through the tears. I told her I would call her in a few hours and that I would see her soon. That was my way of not acknowledging what was happening.
Once we passed South Carolina and my itunes shuffle started playing sad songs, I teared up. But, I honestly blocked a lot of the sadness out. I was trying to not let myself feel, I guess. I had to drive Kyle's big truck, and I wanted to concentrate without having tears in my eyes.
I was so excited once we finally got to our apartment. Our first home together. Those first few days here were exhausting. We woke up early and went to bed late. Setting things up, furniture shopping, and little home improvement projects. I finally caught up on some sleep Thursday night, only to be woken by a phone call from my mom at 6am. I knew what it was.
Allison (my sister in law) was in labor.
I said hello, my mom said my name to me like she always does when I answer the phone. And I said, "Allison is in labor isn't she?" My mom then proceeded to tell me that her water broke the night before and they were at the hospital.
About an hour and a half later, my nephew was born. I was so excited and happy for my brother & Allison. So grateful that she and Everett were both healthy and all was well. But, my heart ached that I wasn't there to rejoice in his birth. My brother called me around 11/12 that morning/afternoon and we talked for about 30 minutes and it made me feel a lot better. I started getting picture after picture of him and each one felt and still feels like a present I open on Christmas morning.
A lot of people have asked how our move went. Overall, I'd say it went pretty well. The worst thing was not having furniture for 9 days, but we still had my bedroom furniture, so we had something to sleep on. Other than that, it went great.
Virginia sure ain't Georgia, but it reminds me a little of Georgia - the landscaping, the environment and the overall feel of our location in Virginia Beach. The people here aren't quite as friendly and "southernly" as Georgians are...and I miss that. I miss the southern accents. I can't tell you how many times my accent has been brought up in conversation.
As far as my employment/job search- I'm not going to get a teaching job, at least until next school year. There really weren't any openings once I moved up here. So, I went to care.com to see if any families were in need of a full time nanny. I met with a couple of families from care.com and they just didn't feel like a good fit, so I branched my search to sittercity.com and had some luck! I met with a family a little over a week ago and they offered me a full time nanny position (4 days a week- 34 hours a week) for their 1.5 year old boy. They're a sweet family from what I can tell. I start December 2nd! I'm really excited to finally pull my weight and contribute to our "household". Not to mention, it will be a way for me to get out of this apartment during the day. And, I have Fridays off...who doesn't love a 3 day weekend?
Kyle's job has been going well. This past week he has worked 12+ hour days. He wakes up at 5am to be at work at 6am. It's about a 20-25 minute drive from our apartment to the base in Norfolk. This week he hasn't been home before 6:30. He's been worn out every night.
We've really enjoyed cooking and goofing off together. We haven't done much exploring yet. We haven't really had a chance to because we've been so busy setting up our apartment and putting things where we want them, organizing closets and storage areas. This weekend will finally be a relaxing weekend that we don't have anything on our to-do list. Kyle mentioned taking Drake to the beach (which is literally 5 minutes from our place).
Be looking out for pictures of our apartment on Facebook and Instagram. I could go ahead and post pictures of what we have set up now, but I'm a little weird and want to wait until all pictures/wall decorations are hung up. :) It's exciting to have a place that you can call your own.
But, home will always be in Georgia.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Time to catch up!
Whew. I can finally breathe. What a busy couple of months it has been!
For those of you who didn't already know. Kyle was allowed to come home for 30 days. He was home for almost the entire month of July. We finally had our beautiful wedding and he was even here for my birthday! Perfect timing.
There is a lot for me to talk about. So, I'll just start from the beginning.
Kyle came home June 27th. Many people thought he just got 30 days off, but that isn't exactly how RA (recruiter's assistance) works. Kyle came home because his training was postponed due to not enough trainers/teachers to lead Kyle's classes. Kyle was in Virginia for an entire month basically not doing anything but PT (physical training/working out) every now and then. So, his superiors finally gained some brain cells and decided to allow Kyle's platoon to have RA. They could only have 30 days. Kyle and I planned it so that it would give me at least 1 month to plan a wedding (more on that later). So, Kyle came home and was off on the weekends. He reported in Monday morning and learned that his job every day was to gather referrals (guys/girls ages 17-20 are ideal) for the recruiters to call and schedule interviews to see if they're interested in joining the Marines. Basically- Kyle is the guy who walks out on the lot when you're looking at new cars. He talks you into buying the new car, and instead of doing paper work and all the financial aspects of buying a new car, he sends you to his boss who takes care of that. Does that make sense? He actually did really well! He was to get 2 referrals a day, which sounds really difficult. But, when you're Kyle and you have the personality of a bulldog (a sweet, but stern bull dog) you're pretty much set. And, luckily for Kyle, the recruiter he worked under in Carrollton was incredible and allowed him to leave early if he had his 2 referrals for the day. Kyle, being the smart man that he is, had a brilliant idea. About 3 nights a week Kyle would go to Walmart, or any other shopping center and be a car salesman. We all know teenagers like to hang out at shopping centers at night. Prime time for Kyle to work his magic. He would get his 2 referrals, go home, go to work the next morning, turn the referrals in, and basically be done by lunch time. I was SO thankful for that.
Enough about Kyle and his harassing talents.
I PLANNED (and succeeded in planning) A WEDDING IN 38 DAYS!
Yeah, I said that right. I can't believe it myself to be honest. It was a pretty difficult process. Lots of tears and headaches, and some arguments. But, all in all, it was a beautiful day. Luckily, I already had a very good idea of what I wanted - flowers, venue, photographer, already had my wedding gown, catering was pretty easy to narrow down. The "bigger" things were taken care of. I went straight to etsy.com for all of the behind the scenes stuff.
Things I bought on etsy.com for the wedding:
garters
wedding cake topper
flower girl dresses
flower girl's gifts (personalized pearl bracelets)
Drake's bow tie
the robe I wore as I got ready
wedding koozies (favors)
a plaque I used as decoration
And everything turned out incredible. The flower girl dresses even came from Finland! How cool?! The koozies were a hit with everyone, as was Drake's bow tie collar. The cake topper matched the cake perfectly, and the garters... OMG. Precious. Kyle got a kick out of them. The robe is precious. I've worn it a few times since the wedding as I get out of the shower and get ready. The plaque I bought will definitely be used in our future home. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty impressed with how quickly me (with the help of my mom, sister in law, and friends) pulled this wedding off. So, TOOT, TOOT.
*If you have any questions regarding our wedding - any questions at all, please feel free to ask.*
I really feel married now. We were legally married March 13th of this year, but it didn't really sink in until our wedding had taken place. We never said our vows the day we got legally married, so I think that is probably why. I have my wedding band, and I have a new last name - that I haven't legally changed yet... I'm procrastinating that. I'm so excited to truly call Kyle my husband now. It's one of the best feelings in the world, to be married. That probably sounds strange. But, to know how loved you are by someone other than your mom, dad, etc. feels so incredible. And to love someone with every fiber of your being! I seriously cannot explain it.
With every hello, there has to be a goodbye. And, it was really hard to do. Kyle left to go back to Virginia last Sunday (July 28th). Our plan was to try to get me to go through security with Kyle so that we could seriously cherish every last moment we had before he got on the plane. We were told by a few that they would allow it for military families, and we were told they wouldn't allow it, period. Can't hurt to ask. So, we did. And, it is true- only for military families. I got a gate pass, had to show my military ID, went through security, and spend about another 30 minutes with Kyle. We were both a mess. But, we're pretty used to separation more than we're used to being together. Plus, we know when we'll see each other again and we're SO very excited for that date to finally get here.
I really feel like I soaked up every moment I was with Kyle. We cannot wait until Labor Day weekend! (that's the next time we'll see each other, if you hadn't already figured that out.)
P.S: Not sure if you noticed or not, but, I had to change the name of my blog again. I was searching through military spouses blogs and found one that had the same as my old one (the ramblings of a marine wife). So, I searched "married to the marines" and luckily, it wasn't taken!
For those of you who didn't already know. Kyle was allowed to come home for 30 days. He was home for almost the entire month of July. We finally had our beautiful wedding and he was even here for my birthday! Perfect timing.
There is a lot for me to talk about. So, I'll just start from the beginning.
Kyle came home June 27th. Many people thought he just got 30 days off, but that isn't exactly how RA (recruiter's assistance) works. Kyle came home because his training was postponed due to not enough trainers/teachers to lead Kyle's classes. Kyle was in Virginia for an entire month basically not doing anything but PT (physical training/working out) every now and then. So, his superiors finally gained some brain cells and decided to allow Kyle's platoon to have RA. They could only have 30 days. Kyle and I planned it so that it would give me at least 1 month to plan a wedding (more on that later). So, Kyle came home and was off on the weekends. He reported in Monday morning and learned that his job every day was to gather referrals (guys/girls ages 17-20 are ideal) for the recruiters to call and schedule interviews to see if they're interested in joining the Marines. Basically- Kyle is the guy who walks out on the lot when you're looking at new cars. He talks you into buying the new car, and instead of doing paper work and all the financial aspects of buying a new car, he sends you to his boss who takes care of that. Does that make sense? He actually did really well! He was to get 2 referrals a day, which sounds really difficult. But, when you're Kyle and you have the personality of a bulldog (a sweet, but stern bull dog) you're pretty much set. And, luckily for Kyle, the recruiter he worked under in Carrollton was incredible and allowed him to leave early if he had his 2 referrals for the day. Kyle, being the smart man that he is, had a brilliant idea. About 3 nights a week Kyle would go to Walmart, or any other shopping center and be a car salesman. We all know teenagers like to hang out at shopping centers at night. Prime time for Kyle to work his magic. He would get his 2 referrals, go home, go to work the next morning, turn the referrals in, and basically be done by lunch time. I was SO thankful for that.
Enough about Kyle and his harassing talents.
I PLANNED (and succeeded in planning) A WEDDING IN 38 DAYS!
Yeah, I said that right. I can't believe it myself to be honest. It was a pretty difficult process. Lots of tears and headaches, and some arguments. But, all in all, it was a beautiful day. Luckily, I already had a very good idea of what I wanted - flowers, venue, photographer, already had my wedding gown, catering was pretty easy to narrow down. The "bigger" things were taken care of. I went straight to etsy.com for all of the behind the scenes stuff.
Things I bought on etsy.com for the wedding:
garters
wedding cake topper
flower girl dresses
flower girl's gifts (personalized pearl bracelets)
Drake's bow tie
the robe I wore as I got ready
wedding koozies (favors)
a plaque I used as decoration
And everything turned out incredible. The flower girl dresses even came from Finland! How cool?! The koozies were a hit with everyone, as was Drake's bow tie collar. The cake topper matched the cake perfectly, and the garters... OMG. Precious. Kyle got a kick out of them. The robe is precious. I've worn it a few times since the wedding as I get out of the shower and get ready. The plaque I bought will definitely be used in our future home. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty impressed with how quickly me (with the help of my mom, sister in law, and friends) pulled this wedding off. So, TOOT, TOOT.
*If you have any questions regarding our wedding - any questions at all, please feel free to ask.*
I really feel married now. We were legally married March 13th of this year, but it didn't really sink in until our wedding had taken place. We never said our vows the day we got legally married, so I think that is probably why. I have my wedding band, and I have a new last name - that I haven't legally changed yet... I'm procrastinating that. I'm so excited to truly call Kyle my husband now. It's one of the best feelings in the world, to be married. That probably sounds strange. But, to know how loved you are by someone other than your mom, dad, etc. feels so incredible. And to love someone with every fiber of your being! I seriously cannot explain it.
With every hello, there has to be a goodbye. And, it was really hard to do. Kyle left to go back to Virginia last Sunday (July 28th). Our plan was to try to get me to go through security with Kyle so that we could seriously cherish every last moment we had before he got on the plane. We were told by a few that they would allow it for military families, and we were told they wouldn't allow it, period. Can't hurt to ask. So, we did. And, it is true- only for military families. I got a gate pass, had to show my military ID, went through security, and spend about another 30 minutes with Kyle. We were both a mess. But, we're pretty used to separation more than we're used to being together. Plus, we know when we'll see each other again and we're SO very excited for that date to finally get here.
I really feel like I soaked up every moment I was with Kyle. We cannot wait until Labor Day weekend! (that's the next time we'll see each other, if you hadn't already figured that out.)
P.S: Not sure if you noticed or not, but, I had to change the name of my blog again. I was searching through military spouses blogs and found one that had the same as my old one (the ramblings of a marine wife). So, I searched "married to the marines" and luckily, it wasn't taken!
Monday, June 17, 2013
turning a page
Each year as Father's Day emerges, this grey cloud sort of follows me around. I become irritated quickly and just all around gloomy.
My relationship with my dad has always been a roller coaster. When I was in middle school/high school it was an okay relationship - we'd talk, I'd go see him on the occasional weekend, etc. Then, as I got older, things about my parent's divorce became clearer to me and I began to try to figure my dad out... which was a huge mistake. I wanted to understand why he did the things that he did, why he left Jeremy and I. Okay, so you're not happy with your marriage, but why punish your kids for that? I never could figure that out - until I realized that it wasn't me, it wasn't anything that I had done, and I couldn't change him or the way he behaves.
So, I got over it - it took me a couple of years, but I got over it. With a few counseling sessions, lots of tears, and the unconditional love that Kyle gave me when he came into my life, I started to understand things a little more.
Believe it or not, I started to understand my dad more. I realized there was a lot of immaturity within him that he will probably never be rid of. Don't get me wrong, my dad is smart. Probably one of the smartest men I know - but not when it comes to life lessons. And that's okay. I'm not angry at him for that. Like I said, I'm past it. I'm past the hurt. And, I love my dad... I always will.
But (of course there is a "but"), Father's Day isn't a good day for me. It isn't a day that I click my heels together from excitement. I don't go to church on Father's Day - I did this a few years ago, and I'll never do it again. I try to stay off of social media to avoid seeing people's pictures of them with their dad. I basically make a sorry attempt at pretending the day isn't honoring Fathers.
Yesterday, I called my dad. We casually talked - nothing monumental happened. I actually think he was shocked that I called. And that was my Father's Day... or so I thought.
Kyle's grandparents invited me to come down to their house and have a late lunch and go fishing in their catfish pond on their farm. Their house/farm is one of my favorite places to be. It's the epitome of tranquil. It's also where we shot our engagement pictures. :)
So, I went, hesitantly. Like I said, I didn't want to even acknowledge the day. But, how can I turn down Kyle's sweet grandparents? Exactly, I can't. I got down there, we ate sandwiches and chips, drank cold sweet tea, and Mawmaw's heavenly peach cobbler. Then, as the heat began to calm down, we went down to the pond and sat in some patio chairs while Kyle's sister, her husband, and their 2 kids caught a dozen+ catfish (I caught one as well). I sat beside Kyle's pawpaw as he cracked jokes left and right. We laughed so much. At one point I caught myself laughing my extremely loud laugh, that hasn't come out in a while. It was nice to let lose and actually enjoy Father's Day for once.
I realized after I left how much I really didn't want to go down there to begin with - but how glad I was that I did. It's so nice to see yourself make improvements over time.
My relationship with my dad has always been a roller coaster. When I was in middle school/high school it was an okay relationship - we'd talk, I'd go see him on the occasional weekend, etc. Then, as I got older, things about my parent's divorce became clearer to me and I began to try to figure my dad out... which was a huge mistake. I wanted to understand why he did the things that he did, why he left Jeremy and I. Okay, so you're not happy with your marriage, but why punish your kids for that? I never could figure that out - until I realized that it wasn't me, it wasn't anything that I had done, and I couldn't change him or the way he behaves.
So, I got over it - it took me a couple of years, but I got over it. With a few counseling sessions, lots of tears, and the unconditional love that Kyle gave me when he came into my life, I started to understand things a little more.
Believe it or not, I started to understand my dad more. I realized there was a lot of immaturity within him that he will probably never be rid of. Don't get me wrong, my dad is smart. Probably one of the smartest men I know - but not when it comes to life lessons. And that's okay. I'm not angry at him for that. Like I said, I'm past it. I'm past the hurt. And, I love my dad... I always will.
But (of course there is a "but"), Father's Day isn't a good day for me. It isn't a day that I click my heels together from excitement. I don't go to church on Father's Day - I did this a few years ago, and I'll never do it again. I try to stay off of social media to avoid seeing people's pictures of them with their dad. I basically make a sorry attempt at pretending the day isn't honoring Fathers.
Yesterday, I called my dad. We casually talked - nothing monumental happened. I actually think he was shocked that I called. And that was my Father's Day... or so I thought.
Kyle's grandparents invited me to come down to their house and have a late lunch and go fishing in their catfish pond on their farm. Their house/farm is one of my favorite places to be. It's the epitome of tranquil. It's also where we shot our engagement pictures. :)
So, I went, hesitantly. Like I said, I didn't want to even acknowledge the day. But, how can I turn down Kyle's sweet grandparents? Exactly, I can't. I got down there, we ate sandwiches and chips, drank cold sweet tea, and Mawmaw's heavenly peach cobbler. Then, as the heat began to calm down, we went down to the pond and sat in some patio chairs while Kyle's sister, her husband, and their 2 kids caught a dozen+ catfish (I caught one as well). I sat beside Kyle's pawpaw as he cracked jokes left and right. We laughed so much. At one point I caught myself laughing my extremely loud laugh, that hasn't come out in a while. It was nice to let lose and actually enjoy Father's Day for once.
I realized after I left how much I really didn't want to go down there to begin with - but how glad I was that I did. It's so nice to see yourself make improvements over time.
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| Kyle's sweet Pawpaw and I sitting on the back of Kyle's old Toyota. We were coming back from the pond. |
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| My 1lb. catfish! I was pretty excited. :) |
Saturday, June 8, 2013
time for a confession
Up until about a year ago, I could eat what I wanted, as much as I wanted. Oddly enough, when Kyle entered basic training I began to gain weight. I didn't gain much in the 3 months he was away, but since he has been home I feel like I have gained 20 pounds. When I stepped on the scale (a.k.a the devil) Friday morning, I got a wake up call.
It read: 161 lbs.
One hundred and sixty one pounds?!
I wanted to cry and scream at the same time. I was/am so angry at myself for letting my body get the way it is. I immediately went to Pinterest and looked at my "Fitness" board to see what I could start doing that wasn't completely unrealistic.
Back in July/August of last year I started doing the Insanity program. It gave me energy, made me feel good, didn't necessarily made me lose weight, but I wasn't necessarily trying to lose weight. I just wanted to get toned and more fit. Then I had my appendectomy and wasn't really able to work out comfortably for about 2 weeks. After that, I never started it again.
Damn appendix.
I think my biggest motivation is this: the other day I was reading an article in Cosmopolitan magazine. It was about women who struggle with the thought of infertility. It read that 87% of women ages 18-30 (I think) fear they will have fertility problems when they start trying to have children. It had a section at the end that talked about what women (and their partners) can do to help prevent infertility. The one that stood out: eat healthy.
And, well, let me be honest: I really like french fries and chicken nuggets from Wendy's. It's my weakness.
So, when I read those two words I told myself, "Self, we gotta have a chat." Then I gave myself a pep talk and decided that it was time to start doing better. I'm 22 almost 23 and I put some of the nastiest, greasiest foods in my body. I realized I was doing so much harm to my body. Then I apologized to my body.
I'm not 125 lbs. anymore like I was in high school. My thighs touch (which I don't really have a problem with), my butt wobbles, my arms even have a little jiggle to them. But my belly. UGH. When I get naked at night to take a bath and look at myself in the mirror, I can't even look at my belly. My stomach was as flat as a piece of paper in high school, even in my first couple of years of college. I won't lie, I was almost sickly looking in high school. I'm glad I have meat on my bones now... but I have too much meat.
I'm not comfortable with being 20 lbs. heavier than my husband. In my defense, Kyle is like 5'7'' and works out. So, that's one reason he's only 135-140 lbs. Not to mention he can go all day and only eat 1 meal. I swear he is from another universe.
So, operation lost 10-15 lbs. began this morning with a mile walk through the Little Tallapoosa Park about 1/2 mile away from my house. I drank a breakfast shake this morning and then ate a good lunch and dinner. I have my Camelback water bottle that holds about 20 oz. of water. I plan on trying to drink at least 4 full bottles a day. I plan on doing an ab workout and an arm workout every day, and walking/running every day as well. Those are my main target areas right now, and where I see the most weight/fat has gone in the past few months.
Fruits, veggies, and 100 calorie snacks are going to be a part of my every day diet. I'm sure there will be a time that I want to go through the red headed freckled face girl's drive thru (Wendy's), but I'm going to remind myself of my goals and try to keep my eye on the prize.
It read: 161 lbs.
One hundred and sixty one pounds?!
I wanted to cry and scream at the same time. I was/am so angry at myself for letting my body get the way it is. I immediately went to Pinterest and looked at my "Fitness" board to see what I could start doing that wasn't completely unrealistic.
Back in July/August of last year I started doing the Insanity program. It gave me energy, made me feel good, didn't necessarily made me lose weight, but I wasn't necessarily trying to lose weight. I just wanted to get toned and more fit. Then I had my appendectomy and wasn't really able to work out comfortably for about 2 weeks. After that, I never started it again.
Damn appendix.
I think my biggest motivation is this: the other day I was reading an article in Cosmopolitan magazine. It was about women who struggle with the thought of infertility. It read that 87% of women ages 18-30 (I think) fear they will have fertility problems when they start trying to have children. It had a section at the end that talked about what women (and their partners) can do to help prevent infertility. The one that stood out: eat healthy.
And, well, let me be honest: I really like french fries and chicken nuggets from Wendy's. It's my weakness.
So, when I read those two words I told myself, "Self, we gotta have a chat." Then I gave myself a pep talk and decided that it was time to start doing better. I'm 22 almost 23 and I put some of the nastiest, greasiest foods in my body. I realized I was doing so much harm to my body. Then I apologized to my body.
I'm not 125 lbs. anymore like I was in high school. My thighs touch (which I don't really have a problem with), my butt wobbles, my arms even have a little jiggle to them. But my belly. UGH. When I get naked at night to take a bath and look at myself in the mirror, I can't even look at my belly. My stomach was as flat as a piece of paper in high school, even in my first couple of years of college. I won't lie, I was almost sickly looking in high school. I'm glad I have meat on my bones now... but I have too much meat.
I'm not comfortable with being 20 lbs. heavier than my husband. In my defense, Kyle is like 5'7'' and works out. So, that's one reason he's only 135-140 lbs. Not to mention he can go all day and only eat 1 meal. I swear he is from another universe.
So, operation lost 10-15 lbs. began this morning with a mile walk through the Little Tallapoosa Park about 1/2 mile away from my house. I drank a breakfast shake this morning and then ate a good lunch and dinner. I have my Camelback water bottle that holds about 20 oz. of water. I plan on trying to drink at least 4 full bottles a day. I plan on doing an ab workout and an arm workout every day, and walking/running every day as well. Those are my main target areas right now, and where I see the most weight/fat has gone in the past few months.
Fruits, veggies, and 100 calorie snacks are going to be a part of my every day diet. I'm sure there will be a time that I want to go through the red headed freckled face girl's drive thru (Wendy's), but I'm going to remind myself of my goals and try to keep my eye on the prize.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
a strange realization
Each year, as Memorial Day or Veterans Day passes by, I always think about the families that those days actually apply to. When my Pawpaw was still alive, we would honor him on Veterans Day, but other than that, we never had any family or friends that had served or were serving, much less someone who had been killed serving our country.
So, as yesterday came and went, I was in constant reminder of how those holidays apply to me now. I am a spouse to a Marine. I am a military wife.
*Let me just say, it's really weird saying that.*
I don't think the "military wife" realization has hit me quite yet. With Kyle being several states away and us not living together, I don't even feel married. I'm sure once he is stationed and I am with him, experiencing military life daily, that feeling will change.
I'm very honored to be married to a United States Marine - one of the few and the proud. It's an honor that I never, and I mean never thought that I would have. If someone had asked me 5 years ago who I imagined spending my life with, where we would be living, what our careers would be... none of my answers would have involved the military. Quite honestly, I never thought I would marry someone like Kyle. He pushes me to become a better person. He challenges me in ways I don't like to be challenged. I still wonder why he ever gave me a chance.
Now and forevermore, I will feel a stronger connection to Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and even July 4th. The stars and stripes mean so much more to me than I ever thought they would.
So, as yesterday came and went, I was in constant reminder of how those holidays apply to me now. I am a spouse to a Marine. I am a military wife.
*Let me just say, it's really weird saying that.*
I don't think the "military wife" realization has hit me quite yet. With Kyle being several states away and us not living together, I don't even feel married. I'm sure once he is stationed and I am with him, experiencing military life daily, that feeling will change.
I'm very honored to be married to a United States Marine - one of the few and the proud. It's an honor that I never, and I mean never thought that I would have. If someone had asked me 5 years ago who I imagined spending my life with, where we would be living, what our careers would be... none of my answers would have involved the military. Quite honestly, I never thought I would marry someone like Kyle. He pushes me to become a better person. He challenges me in ways I don't like to be challenged. I still wonder why he ever gave me a chance.
Now and forevermore, I will feel a stronger connection to Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and even July 4th. The stars and stripes mean so much more to me than I ever thought they would.
Friday, May 24, 2013
A walk in my shoes
I've know I've only been a "Marine Wife" for almost 3 months now, so I know what I am about to type is going to cause some eye rolling. Oh well.
I have been on this military journey with Kyle since February of 2012. He signed his enlistment papers July 13, 2012 and left for Basic Training December 10, 2012. Since December 10, 2012, I have seen my now husband probably a total of 14 days- counting the 2 days we saw him for basic training graduation, the 10 days he was home for leave, and the 1 1/2 days I saw him last month when I went to visit him in North Carolina. Almost 6 months have passed and I've seen him a total of 14 days.
So, though I've only been a "Marine Wife" for 3 months, I know a thing or two about separation from a loved one.
Here are a few things that become that much more special when your better half is away:
*Phone calls: when Kyle's picture comes up on my phone, no matter if I just talked to him 5 minutes prior, I get excited. Hearing his voice is all I have. It's the best connection we have. The duration of the calls may only be 2 minutes, or they could be a long, good talk that lasts 30 minutes. Nevertheless, each call is vital to our daily routine. I don't feel like my day has ended well if I haven't spoken with him.
*Texts: little texts throughout the day can instantly change my entire mood for the day. I'll never forget the first time Kyle was able to text me during the day. I had my phone in my hand, sitting on the couch and my text tone went off. I looked down and it said, "Kyle ICE" (ICE meaning, "in case of emergency"....it's always good to be proactive and let emergency personnel know who to contact). I was immediately overwhelmed with excitement. I quickly text him back, because I knew that he was only able to cut his phone off for maybe 1 minute to send me that text, but I wanted him to get one from me, too.
*Pictures/Facetime: I'll text Kyle sometimes and tell him to send me a picture of him, and when asks why (he hates taking pictures) I will say, "Because I want one, duh." I like to see him every now and then, to know he is okay, even though he is texting/calling me, it's nice to actually see him. I try to send him a picture every day, but sometimes the pictures feel like a broken record: picture of me smiling, picture of Drake doing something stupid, picture of me making Drake take a picture with me, picture of something I'm eating, etc. Facetime is one of the best inventions ever. It's just like Skype, but for the iPhone. Unfortunately, we're not able to Facetime every day because it requires you to be conntected to wifi, and 9 times out of 10, Kyle isn't connected to wifi. So, when we are able to Facetime, it's AWESOME.
Here are some things that really suck about being a military wife:
*Not ever really knowing if Kyle is OK: Yeah, he'll send me a good morning text every morning, and typically call me at night for a few minutes. But, throughout the day, I have no idea what he does, where he is, how to get in touch with him. Nothing. I envy those of you who get to check in with your better half throughout the day to just say, "Hey!"
*Not being able to make a schedule: Throw control out the window. If you're OCD and need to always be in charge of your life. You couldn't be a military spouse. Well, you could... but you'd have to let go of A LOT of things in your life. We're never in control of our future. We never know when we'll see each other again or where he is going next. Ever. I'm sure you could say, "Yeah, after I get off work I'm going to go by the grocery store and pick up some things to make dinner. So, I should be home by about 5:30. Will you be home when I get there?" You'll probably get a response like, "Yeah, honey. I'll be there." Even once Kyle is stationed somewhere and I'm with him... I will probably never know when he will be home. There will probably be days when he won't even know if he'll be coming home.
*Being lonely: Lonesomeness haunts me sometimes. It lingers over me like a shadow. It hurts. I find myself saying, "I wish...." a lot. I wish I was with Kyle. I wish Kyle was here. I wish Kyle had our own place. I wish Kyle weren't so far away. Loneliness wouldn't be so tough if I knew when I would see Kyle again. It would give me a count down- something to look forward to.
Being a military newlywed is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. Since Kyle and I got married, we've seen each other a total of 6 days. It's been excruciatingly difficult for both of us to be away from each other. I'd give anything if I could just spend one day out of the month with Kyle.
So, the next time you catch yourself thinking, "Gosh, I wish I just had one day to myself." Think about the military wives/husbands who spend about 9 months to a year by themselves because their spouse is deployed overseas. Never take the love you have for your better half for granted. Never skip out on a chance to hold their hand, put your arm around them, kiss them, hug them, etc. There are so many people in the world who would give up everything they had in order to just spend a few hours with their husband/wife. Be grateful - and always count your blessings.
I have been on this military journey with Kyle since February of 2012. He signed his enlistment papers July 13, 2012 and left for Basic Training December 10, 2012. Since December 10, 2012, I have seen my now husband probably a total of 14 days- counting the 2 days we saw him for basic training graduation, the 10 days he was home for leave, and the 1 1/2 days I saw him last month when I went to visit him in North Carolina. Almost 6 months have passed and I've seen him a total of 14 days.
So, though I've only been a "Marine Wife" for 3 months, I know a thing or two about separation from a loved one.
Here are a few things that become that much more special when your better half is away:
*Phone calls: when Kyle's picture comes up on my phone, no matter if I just talked to him 5 minutes prior, I get excited. Hearing his voice is all I have. It's the best connection we have. The duration of the calls may only be 2 minutes, or they could be a long, good talk that lasts 30 minutes. Nevertheless, each call is vital to our daily routine. I don't feel like my day has ended well if I haven't spoken with him.
*Texts: little texts throughout the day can instantly change my entire mood for the day. I'll never forget the first time Kyle was able to text me during the day. I had my phone in my hand, sitting on the couch and my text tone went off. I looked down and it said, "Kyle ICE" (ICE meaning, "in case of emergency"....it's always good to be proactive and let emergency personnel know who to contact). I was immediately overwhelmed with excitement. I quickly text him back, because I knew that he was only able to cut his phone off for maybe 1 minute to send me that text, but I wanted him to get one from me, too.
*Pictures/Facetime: I'll text Kyle sometimes and tell him to send me a picture of him, and when asks why (he hates taking pictures) I will say, "Because I want one, duh." I like to see him every now and then, to know he is okay, even though he is texting/calling me, it's nice to actually see him. I try to send him a picture every day, but sometimes the pictures feel like a broken record: picture of me smiling, picture of Drake doing something stupid, picture of me making Drake take a picture with me, picture of something I'm eating, etc. Facetime is one of the best inventions ever. It's just like Skype, but for the iPhone. Unfortunately, we're not able to Facetime every day because it requires you to be conntected to wifi, and 9 times out of 10, Kyle isn't connected to wifi. So, when we are able to Facetime, it's AWESOME.
Here are some things that really suck about being a military wife:
*Not ever really knowing if Kyle is OK: Yeah, he'll send me a good morning text every morning, and typically call me at night for a few minutes. But, throughout the day, I have no idea what he does, where he is, how to get in touch with him. Nothing. I envy those of you who get to check in with your better half throughout the day to just say, "Hey!"
*Not being able to make a schedule: Throw control out the window. If you're OCD and need to always be in charge of your life. You couldn't be a military spouse. Well, you could... but you'd have to let go of A LOT of things in your life. We're never in control of our future. We never know when we'll see each other again or where he is going next. Ever. I'm sure you could say, "Yeah, after I get off work I'm going to go by the grocery store and pick up some things to make dinner. So, I should be home by about 5:30. Will you be home when I get there?" You'll probably get a response like, "Yeah, honey. I'll be there." Even once Kyle is stationed somewhere and I'm with him... I will probably never know when he will be home. There will probably be days when he won't even know if he'll be coming home.
*Being lonely: Lonesomeness haunts me sometimes. It lingers over me like a shadow. It hurts. I find myself saying, "I wish...." a lot. I wish I was with Kyle. I wish Kyle was here. I wish Kyle had our own place. I wish Kyle weren't so far away. Loneliness wouldn't be so tough if I knew when I would see Kyle again. It would give me a count down- something to look forward to.
Being a military newlywed is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. Since Kyle and I got married, we've seen each other a total of 6 days. It's been excruciatingly difficult for both of us to be away from each other. I'd give anything if I could just spend one day out of the month with Kyle.
So, the next time you catch yourself thinking, "Gosh, I wish I just had one day to myself." Think about the military wives/husbands who spend about 9 months to a year by themselves because their spouse is deployed overseas. Never take the love you have for your better half for granted. Never skip out on a chance to hold their hand, put your arm around them, kiss them, hug them, etc. There are so many people in the world who would give up everything they had in order to just spend a few hours with their husband/wife. Be grateful - and always count your blessings.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
the best snack in the 90's
Anyone remember Dunkaroos? Let me refresh your memory:
Remember? If not, you truly missed out during your childhood. I can no longer find these bad boys anywhere. I don't know if they stopped making them or what. Maybe they're only available in certain states... who knows. They were delicious though. When searching for this image, I clicked the source for the image by accident and stumbled across Ebay. So, I guess people are buying them somewhere if they're selling them online.
Well, a friend of mine on Facebook somehow came across a recipe for the "dip" you dip the cookies in. She shared it on Facebook the other day and I was so curious I went out and bought the ingredients that day. So, I shall share it with you.
I bought the following. I'm a little bit cheap and went with the Publix brand instead of buying Cool Whip for like $3 or $4, Yoplait yogurt for probably $3-$5 and the better brand of animal crackers for probably $2-4. I bought everything for under $8.
All I did was put the cake mix, whipped topping, and plain yogurt into a medium to large size mixing bowl and stir until it seemed to be blended fairly well. It seriously took like 3-4 minutes for me to do. I used the whole tub of whipped cream and the whole box of cake mix. I didn't use the entire tub of yogurt. I didn't realize how disgusting plain yogurt is. I only put about 1 1/2 cups in the bowl. I think my friend used 2 cups, but I couldn't stomach the bitter taste it left in my mouth. The yogurt sort of counteracts the sweet taste of the cake mix and the whipped cream, so I understand why that is a part of the ingredients.
So, my review. From what I can remember, this tastes almost exactly like Dunkaroos. I haven't had them in a long time, but I do remember how much I loved them. Mom didn't buy them very often because, well, lets face it: vanilla frosting and graham cookies isn't exactly the healthiest snack. You could switch it up and dip apples in it, I suppose.
So, if you're in the mood for a sweet, easy-to-make snack, this does the trick pretty well.
Dunkaroos lives on, folks.
Remember? If not, you truly missed out during your childhood. I can no longer find these bad boys anywhere. I don't know if they stopped making them or what. Maybe they're only available in certain states... who knows. They were delicious though. When searching for this image, I clicked the source for the image by accident and stumbled across Ebay. So, I guess people are buying them somewhere if they're selling them online.
Well, a friend of mine on Facebook somehow came across a recipe for the "dip" you dip the cookies in. She shared it on Facebook the other day and I was so curious I went out and bought the ingredients that day. So, I shall share it with you.
I bought the following. I'm a little bit cheap and went with the Publix brand instead of buying Cool Whip for like $3 or $4, Yoplait yogurt for probably $3-$5 and the better brand of animal crackers for probably $2-4. I bought everything for under $8.
All I did was put the cake mix, whipped topping, and plain yogurt into a medium to large size mixing bowl and stir until it seemed to be blended fairly well. It seriously took like 3-4 minutes for me to do. I used the whole tub of whipped cream and the whole box of cake mix. I didn't use the entire tub of yogurt. I didn't realize how disgusting plain yogurt is. I only put about 1 1/2 cups in the bowl. I think my friend used 2 cups, but I couldn't stomach the bitter taste it left in my mouth. The yogurt sort of counteracts the sweet taste of the cake mix and the whipped cream, so I understand why that is a part of the ingredients.
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| This is what the dip looked liked after I mixed it all together. |
So, if you're in the mood for a sweet, easy-to-make snack, this does the trick pretty well.
Dunkaroos lives on, folks.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Oh baby, baby
Kyle and I were talking about baby names last night on the phone. My brother and sister in law are pregnant with their first child and have been talking about baby names for a while now. I told Kyle what the girl's name will be, but I'm not sure if they've decided on a boy's name. Kyle said he thinks Allison (my sister in law) is going to have a girl... I still have no idea what makes him think that. He said he's psychic. ;) None of us care what it will be as long as he/she is healthy. We're just so excited to add to our (small) family!
After Kyle and I talked, I got to thinking about baby names and what I would want to name our child (one day). He said Ruthie Mae... I just laughed. He was kidding, thank God.
I like these names for girls (in no particular order):
Lydia
Sophia (call her Sophie)
Anna
Hallie (this name could be the victim of problem #2- see below)
Hannah
I like these names for boys (in no particular order):
Samuel (call him Sam)
Benjamin (call him Ben)
Ian
Will
Gavin
Here is my checklist for naming my (future) child:
1. The name cannot remind me of anyone I don't like. I don't want to call my kid's name and have some douche bag's face in the back of my head. I know that my child will be able to provide a new definition of that name for me. But, I still wouldn't name he or she the same name as my ex(es), Kyle's ex, or any of our not-so-favorite-people.
2. The name cannot be difficult to pronounce. My child is going to be in school for 12+ years. I'm not going to choose some ridiculous name that their teacher or classmates can't pronounce. Like Kira... is it Ke-ee-ra or Ky-yy-ra? And no matter how many times they tell someone how to pronounce it, that someone will (9 times out of 10) say it the opposite way. I had a friend in college whose name is Kyra and she had this problem in our classes.
3. The name cannot be difficult to spell. Sometimes, the spelling of one's name can be a do or die situation. When your child is going through testing time in school and they have an answer sheet or booklet with their name, and oops! There is a random "e" on the end of their name- that could screw them up. Or, you decided to be super duper creative and spell your child's name "Marq" instead of "Mark". You're not creative, you're just weird... and you just made your child's life very, very difficult. Names that end with the "ey" or "ie" sound ALWAYS get spelled differently. Kellie, Kelly, Kelley. See where I'm going with this?
While I'm on the spelling of names... my name is spelled RachEL, people. Not Racheal or Rachael. People on Facebook misspell my name. It's Facebook, for crying out loud! My name is RIGHT there for it to be spelled correctly. This is a pet peeve of mine. Can you tell?
4. The name cannot be turned into a horrible nickname. Name your child Jack and I guarantee you he will be called "Jack off" one day. This really needs no further explanation.
I don't plan on having children for a few years, but when I do, I'll have a pretty good idea as to what their name will be... which I've heard is a pretty difficult decision for some couples. I'm glad Kyle and agree on... most everything. :)
After Kyle and I talked, I got to thinking about baby names and what I would want to name our child (one day). He said Ruthie Mae... I just laughed. He was kidding, thank God.
I like these names for girls (in no particular order):
Lydia
Sophia (call her Sophie)
Anna
Hallie (this name could be the victim of problem #2- see below)
Hannah
I like these names for boys (in no particular order):
Samuel (call him Sam)
Benjamin (call him Ben)
Ian
Will
Gavin
Here is my checklist for naming my (future) child:
1. The name cannot remind me of anyone I don't like. I don't want to call my kid's name and have some douche bag's face in the back of my head. I know that my child will be able to provide a new definition of that name for me. But, I still wouldn't name he or she the same name as my ex(es), Kyle's ex, or any of our not-so-favorite-people.
2. The name cannot be difficult to pronounce. My child is going to be in school for 12+ years. I'm not going to choose some ridiculous name that their teacher or classmates can't pronounce. Like Kira... is it Ke-ee-ra or Ky-yy-ra? And no matter how many times they tell someone how to pronounce it, that someone will (9 times out of 10) say it the opposite way. I had a friend in college whose name is Kyra and she had this problem in our classes.
3. The name cannot be difficult to spell. Sometimes, the spelling of one's name can be a do or die situation. When your child is going through testing time in school and they have an answer sheet or booklet with their name, and oops! There is a random "e" on the end of their name- that could screw them up. Or, you decided to be super duper creative and spell your child's name "Marq" instead of "Mark". You're not creative, you're just weird... and you just made your child's life very, very difficult. Names that end with the "ey" or "ie" sound ALWAYS get spelled differently. Kellie, Kelly, Kelley. See where I'm going with this?
While I'm on the spelling of names... my name is spelled RachEL, people. Not Racheal or Rachael. People on Facebook misspell my name. It's Facebook, for crying out loud! My name is RIGHT there for it to be spelled correctly. This is a pet peeve of mine. Can you tell?
4. The name cannot be turned into a horrible nickname. Name your child Jack and I guarantee you he will be called "Jack off" one day. This really needs no further explanation.
I don't plan on having children for a few years, but when I do, I'll have a pretty good idea as to what their name will be... which I've heard is a pretty difficult decision for some couples. I'm glad Kyle and agree on... most everything. :)
Thursday, April 18, 2013
what is wrong with the world?
This past Monday (4/16/13) the infamous Boston Marathon was victim to a senseless terror attack. We all know what happened and how tragic it was. It makes people feel like they cannot even go enjoy one of their hobbies without wondering if some lunatic is going to act bat shit crazy. We've seen so much tragedy throughout our nation in less than a year. So many innocent lives lost. These kind of events always make us think so negatively about our world and everyone in it. "What is wrong with the world?" I've seen/heard this question a lot lately. So, what is wrong with the world?
Ummmmm..... nothing.
*Gasp* Yes, I said that nothing is wrong with this world. I'll let this quote take care of my explanation:
"No need to ask what is wrong with the world- Look at everyone who ran towards the explosions. Everything is RIGHT in the world because more people are willing to help than people who are willing to do harm." - Author Unknown
I understand there is evil all around the world. There has always been evil. There are times when we really feel that evil presence among us. Yes, it's scary and unsettling. I completely understand why people question what is wrong with the world. But, then I see people say , "I just want Jesus to come back and take us all so I don't have to raise my children in this world."
Well, sorry, Jesus- but I don't want you to come back any time soon. I want to wear my wedding dress and walk down the aisle to my (already) husband and say our vows in front of friends and family. I want to move into mine and Kyle's first home and begin our lives together. I want to enjoy our first few years of marriage- traveling to new places and exploring, sleeping in on the weekends and laying in the bed until noon. I want to give birth to our first child and take in the joy of our newborn baby. I want to begin my career as a teacher and try my hardest to help the future generations of America become successful. I want to give our first child a brother or sister and watch them grow up together being best friends. I want to take family vacations with our entire family and make memories that we will remember for 30 years. I want to watch my children become adults and find the loves of their lives. I want to retire and enjoy our well deserved time off. I want to spoil our grandchildren. I want to grow old with my husband.
I want to go to Heaven one day and take in all the glory of my Savior. But, I'm not ready to do that yet. I want a fulfilling life with Kyle. I want to experience everything my life has to offer. And yes, I want to raise my children in this world. There was a time when I didn't, but I realized that if I live in fear the rest of my life, I'm going to be very disappointed. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting what I want.
As long as the balance of people willing to help one another out is higher than the number of people who want to do harm, then we are alright. Nothing is wrong. Just because bad things happen in the world, doesn't mean this world is bad.
Ummmmm..... nothing.
*Gasp* Yes, I said that nothing is wrong with this world. I'll let this quote take care of my explanation:
"No need to ask what is wrong with the world- Look at everyone who ran towards the explosions. Everything is RIGHT in the world because more people are willing to help than people who are willing to do harm." - Author Unknown
I understand there is evil all around the world. There has always been evil. There are times when we really feel that evil presence among us. Yes, it's scary and unsettling. I completely understand why people question what is wrong with the world. But, then I see people say , "I just want Jesus to come back and take us all so I don't have to raise my children in this world."
Well, sorry, Jesus- but I don't want you to come back any time soon. I want to wear my wedding dress and walk down the aisle to my (already) husband and say our vows in front of friends and family. I want to move into mine and Kyle's first home and begin our lives together. I want to enjoy our first few years of marriage- traveling to new places and exploring, sleeping in on the weekends and laying in the bed until noon. I want to give birth to our first child and take in the joy of our newborn baby. I want to begin my career as a teacher and try my hardest to help the future generations of America become successful. I want to give our first child a brother or sister and watch them grow up together being best friends. I want to take family vacations with our entire family and make memories that we will remember for 30 years. I want to watch my children become adults and find the loves of their lives. I want to retire and enjoy our well deserved time off. I want to spoil our grandchildren. I want to grow old with my husband.
I want to go to Heaven one day and take in all the glory of my Savior. But, I'm not ready to do that yet. I want a fulfilling life with Kyle. I want to experience everything my life has to offer. And yes, I want to raise my children in this world. There was a time when I didn't, but I realized that if I live in fear the rest of my life, I'm going to be very disappointed. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting what I want.
As long as the balance of people willing to help one another out is higher than the number of people who want to do harm, then we are alright. Nothing is wrong. Just because bad things happen in the world, doesn't mean this world is bad.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
the word I hate the most
Goodbye.
It really is one of the hardest words to say. This became even more true this past Sunday when I had to leave Kyle after being with him for the weekend. It was one of the most excruciating days of my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true. We were both pitiful.
On one hand, I think it would have been easier had I not gone to see him. I had just gotten to an "ok" point with him being gone and then I go visit him and basically fall in love all over again and I feel like I'm back to square one. I cried hysterically on the way to the airport and had to pull over and have a moment. Then I cried on the plane. Thank God the flight was at night - they dimmed the lights on the plane so no one could see me cry, thankfully. Then, someone asked me how I was doing today and I just started crying.
Then on the other hand, I think about how awesome our weekend was and how nice it was to just be us again. We did normal things that we would have done back here in Carrollton. We even went to H&R Block to take care of his taxes. I didn't care though. Sure, I didn't particularly want to be there, but I was there with him.
I don't want to be here- in Carrollton. I want to be back in Jacksonville, NC with Kyle. Getting an apartment in Jacksonville has seriously crossed my mind, but then it left pretty quickly once I realized how big of a hassle it would be and how pointless it would be since he will only be there for another 6 weeks. It would be nice to see him every weekend, though.
Couples who don't have to go through long periods of absence are lucky. Sure, you may argue more, you may want to pull each other's hair out, you may wish you had more "you time." But you see each other daily. I am envious of you. I would do anything to be with Kyle right now. To sleep with him at night, to wake up to him in the mornings, to eat dinner together and watch TV and just have conversations in person with him. I'm lucky if I'm able to talk to him every day. And, if he does call, he has to hide under a blanket and whisper so softly that I can barely hear him. He thinks he's a thug. ;)
It was an awesome weekend. I just wish it had never ended. I needed more time with him- more kisses and hugs, smiles and winks, hand holding and cuddling. I just need him here and it is a horrible reality that we will not see each other for another several weeks. My heart is in so much pain.
"The day we met, frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found the home for my heart
Beats fast. Colors and promises.
How to be brave,
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
Watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away some how
One step closer
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more"
A Thousand Years Part 2 by Christina Perri
It really is one of the hardest words to say. This became even more true this past Sunday when I had to leave Kyle after being with him for the weekend. It was one of the most excruciating days of my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true. We were both pitiful.
On one hand, I think it would have been easier had I not gone to see him. I had just gotten to an "ok" point with him being gone and then I go visit him and basically fall in love all over again and I feel like I'm back to square one. I cried hysterically on the way to the airport and had to pull over and have a moment. Then I cried on the plane. Thank God the flight was at night - they dimmed the lights on the plane so no one could see me cry, thankfully. Then, someone asked me how I was doing today and I just started crying.
Then on the other hand, I think about how awesome our weekend was and how nice it was to just be us again. We did normal things that we would have done back here in Carrollton. We even went to H&R Block to take care of his taxes. I didn't care though. Sure, I didn't particularly want to be there, but I was there with him.
I don't want to be here- in Carrollton. I want to be back in Jacksonville, NC with Kyle. Getting an apartment in Jacksonville has seriously crossed my mind, but then it left pretty quickly once I realized how big of a hassle it would be and how pointless it would be since he will only be there for another 6 weeks. It would be nice to see him every weekend, though.
Couples who don't have to go through long periods of absence are lucky. Sure, you may argue more, you may want to pull each other's hair out, you may wish you had more "you time." But you see each other daily. I am envious of you. I would do anything to be with Kyle right now. To sleep with him at night, to wake up to him in the mornings, to eat dinner together and watch TV and just have conversations in person with him. I'm lucky if I'm able to talk to him every day. And, if he does call, he has to hide under a blanket and whisper so softly that I can barely hear him. He thinks he's a thug. ;)
It was an awesome weekend. I just wish it had never ended. I needed more time with him- more kisses and hugs, smiles and winks, hand holding and cuddling. I just need him here and it is a horrible reality that we will not see each other for another several weeks. My heart is in so much pain.
"The day we met, frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found the home for my heart
Beats fast. Colors and promises.
How to be brave,
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
Watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away some how
One step closer
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more"
A Thousand Years Part 2 by Christina Perri
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Together
I'm married.
Did you hear me? I'm MARRIED. What the hay?
Yep, March 13, I married my BFF and I could not be happier. Well, actually, yeah I could. If Kyle were actually HOME. That's right. Less than a week after Kyle and I married, he left for North Carolina and will be there for the next 10 weeks. So much for being newlyweds. We still are, but it's like a long distance newlyweds thing. It's weird. Our phones are all we have, so that will have to do. I can visit him eventually, I'm just not sure when.
He's been gone almost a week now. I told him the past week had actually gone by a lot faster than I thought it would. Probably because we've been able to talk and even face time a couple of times. :) So, you can understand why our phones are all we have. It definitely beats writing letters two or three times a week. Wanna talk about life sucking? Go 3 months without speaking or seeing your significant other. It was hard, but we got through it.
I'm hoping mine and Kyle's lives will begin to fall into place. After North Carolina he will go to Chesapeake, Virginia for 6 weeks and then he will get his orders and be stationed somewhere. No leave time between any of that. At some point we will have an actual wedding to celebrate our marriage with family and friends. Then we will move me to wherever he is and really begin our lives as a married couple. I hope the transition into married life as well as a new home, and most likely a new state, and quite possibly a new part of the country.... goes smoothly. I know there will be times of stress and I'll be homesick at some point, but I feel like as long as Kyle is with me I will be fine. Being without him hurts my heart and I don't feel whole without him.
I would like to say that marriage is all I had ever hoped for. But, Kyle and I haven't truly experienced marriage together yet. But, for the past 2 weeks, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Kyle and I may not be physically together, but our hearts are always together (cue the gag noises). I know I'm corny, but it's the way I feel.
He truly is my BFF. I couldn't imagine life with anyone else. I love him and would do anything and everything for him. I can't wait to pick out our first home together, to move in together, to wake up every morning together, to eat dinner together, to watch movies together, to have babies together....
Well, that last one can wait a little while. But, you catch my drift. I want to live and love life with him for as long as God keeps us on this planet. I love my husband. :)
Did you hear me? I'm MARRIED. What the hay?
Yep, March 13, I married my BFF and I could not be happier. Well, actually, yeah I could. If Kyle were actually HOME. That's right. Less than a week after Kyle and I married, he left for North Carolina and will be there for the next 10 weeks. So much for being newlyweds. We still are, but it's like a long distance newlyweds thing. It's weird. Our phones are all we have, so that will have to do. I can visit him eventually, I'm just not sure when.
He's been gone almost a week now. I told him the past week had actually gone by a lot faster than I thought it would. Probably because we've been able to talk and even face time a couple of times. :) So, you can understand why our phones are all we have. It definitely beats writing letters two or three times a week. Wanna talk about life sucking? Go 3 months without speaking or seeing your significant other. It was hard, but we got through it.
I'm hoping mine and Kyle's lives will begin to fall into place. After North Carolina he will go to Chesapeake, Virginia for 6 weeks and then he will get his orders and be stationed somewhere. No leave time between any of that. At some point we will have an actual wedding to celebrate our marriage with family and friends. Then we will move me to wherever he is and really begin our lives as a married couple. I hope the transition into married life as well as a new home, and most likely a new state, and quite possibly a new part of the country.... goes smoothly. I know there will be times of stress and I'll be homesick at some point, but I feel like as long as Kyle is with me I will be fine. Being without him hurts my heart and I don't feel whole without him.
I would like to say that marriage is all I had ever hoped for. But, Kyle and I haven't truly experienced marriage together yet. But, for the past 2 weeks, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Kyle and I may not be physically together, but our hearts are always together (cue the gag noises). I know I'm corny, but it's the way I feel.
He truly is my BFF. I couldn't imagine life with anyone else. I love him and would do anything and everything for him. I can't wait to pick out our first home together, to move in together, to wake up every morning together, to eat dinner together, to watch movies together, to have babies together....
Well, that last one can wait a little while. But, you catch my drift. I want to live and love life with him for as long as God keeps us on this planet. I love my husband. :)
 |
| Our marriage certificate! |
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| Our first night as husband and wife! |
Friday, March 15, 2013
Time Flies
Kyle has been home almost a week now and the days, hours, minutes, and seconds have truly flown by right before our eyes. For those of you who want to know Kyle's plans for the next few months, here they are: He will leave Monday and report to Jacksonville, North Carolina for 12 weeks where he will be in SOI (School of Infantry). He will then go straight to Chesapeake, Virginia for 6 weeks to train for his MOS (his job). After, he will be stationed somewhere and at some point-we will get married and have our ceremony.
I couldn't have asked for a better week. Though our time has been spent rushing around, doing errands, and taking care of business before Kyle leaves, it's still been nice to have him around. In the car with me, holding hands, or just sitting beside him at a restaurant. I've really cherished every moment with him. Kyle told me in a letter before he came home that he was going to be a "Rachel hog" when he got home. So, no complaints here! After all, I AM his bride to be. :) I've certainly shared my Kyle time with others though. Every night we have gotten together with a friend, family members, etc. As long as I am with Kyle, I don't care who we see or where we go.
This time has been weird, though. This is the last time Kyle will actually "live" here- if that makes sense? He will be able to come home on the weekends, but he obviously won't do that every week. Maybe once or twice, if that. After Virginia, he will be based somewhere. He won't come home to Carrollton. Kind of strange to think about. But exciting at the same time, because we will start our lives together-on our own.
I'm very thankful for the time I've had with Kyle-though it has passed too quickly. Hoping this weekend will slow down a bit so we can spend some quality time together.
I couldn't have asked for a better week. Though our time has been spent rushing around, doing errands, and taking care of business before Kyle leaves, it's still been nice to have him around. In the car with me, holding hands, or just sitting beside him at a restaurant. I've really cherished every moment with him. Kyle told me in a letter before he came home that he was going to be a "Rachel hog" when he got home. So, no complaints here! After all, I AM his bride to be. :) I've certainly shared my Kyle time with others though. Every night we have gotten together with a friend, family members, etc. As long as I am with Kyle, I don't care who we see or where we go.
This time has been weird, though. This is the last time Kyle will actually "live" here- if that makes sense? He will be able to come home on the weekends, but he obviously won't do that every week. Maybe once or twice, if that. After Virginia, he will be based somewhere. He won't come home to Carrollton. Kind of strange to think about. But exciting at the same time, because we will start our lives together-on our own.
I'm very thankful for the time I've had with Kyle-though it has passed too quickly. Hoping this weekend will slow down a bit so we can spend some quality time together.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Reunited & It Feels SO good!
As most of you know, today was the first day I have seen Kyle in 3 months. I've posted a lot of pictures on Instagram and Facebook but, I thought I would add a little more detail to our day for those of you who are interested. I am writing this post from my phone, so pardon any grammatical errors you may see. :)
Let me first start off by saying how peaceful and Christ-filled our ride was yesterday. Mom drove the whole way there (about a 5 1/2 hour drive). On the 157 mile stretch to the Savannah area on I-95 I started playing some contemporary Christian music. My mom and I sang together and worshiped our Lord in the car. Wake up call: church isn't the only place you can worship. I know most people relate worshiping to church- but boy, we listened to some good gospel hymns and just let lose and praised our Savior. It was awesome. Made me feel at peace about our trip and smoothed over some anxiety I had. God is good.
Now, onto today (Thursday). Our alarms were set for 4:15 a.m. We were wide awake at 3:30. 3:30, people. Holy smokes. We got ready, got breakfast at 5 and then hit the road for the 10 minute drive to Parris Island. We drove over the bridge onto the marshy island and it was such a pretty ride. Even though it was dark, we could see the beauty of the island very clearly. We were on base and out of the car by 6 a.m. and found a good spot on the side of the road to claim so we could see Kyle clearly during the motivational run, which began roughy at 7 a.m. I've never been more excited to see someone or something in my entire life. Kyle's platoon was 2nd in "line". They were all wearing their sharp looking wind suites (can a wind suit even look "sharp"?). I already knew Kyle's place in formation, so I knew he would be towards the back. I was SO scared I wouldn't see him because, well, lets face it. Kyle's not the tallest guy in the world. Standing at about 5'7", the other new Marines definitely towered over him.
BUT! Never fear, I can pick his perfect face and head out from any crowd. He said I was the first one he saw. He acknowledged us by giving a little 2-finger wave as he jogged by. They ran around a couple of buildings and then ran back in front of us again! I saw him really good that time. And then I started my bellowing (not really, but it felt like it). It was a wonderful moment. I just collapsed in my mom's arms and cried a bit. Felt good to let that out.
We then retired to our vehicles to thaw out our frozen fingers, feet, lips, ears, legs, arms, and any other body part that needed de-frosting. We sat there for about 10 minutes and then went into the All Weather Training Facility to wait out the next gruesome 2 hours. Talk about counting every second. Seesh!
They began the "Liberty Briefing" around 9:30 a.m and they finally brought the new Marines in around 9:45 and they were released to us by 10. Mom told me that she had never seen someone move so fast when I went to find Kyle. It was the best hug I've ever had. When I finally got to him I couldn't really cry. I was so caught in the moment and a little shocked that I couldn't get tears out. I could only tear up. Which I was glad- though there is no shame in crying- I didn't want to cry in front of Kyle. At least not let loose. He was very excited to see us. You could tell by the look on his face. It was so awesome.
After we gave our xoxo's to Kyle and he introduced us to a couple of people, we headed to his barracks and saw where he slept, and did his bathroom business (gross, by the way!). After that we had some lunch and visited. He showed us around the base- where he trained for different things. That place is huge! It was great seeing all of the places he'd been challenged and to see the end result and how he overcame it all- something to be proud of, for sure!
After the 6 hours rushed by, Kyle said his goodbyes and the new Marines went to the Peatross Parade Deck and watched them practice for graduation (which is tomorrow at 9 a.m).
With all of that said- we're exhausted! We came home and basically collapsed on our beds- then stuffed our face with snacks until Dan went to pick up Applebee's to go for us. Then we stuffed our faces some more, I took my bath and now I'm here! So very thankful for a marvelous day with our brand new Marine!
Let me just say- there is something totally incredible about seeing a platoon walk in formation- not a fresh, new platoon, (we saw a few of those and bless their hearts, they were all over the place), I mean a "veteran" platoon. It's so crisp and slick- it's something to see, truly. It made sevaral of us emotional just to see Kyle in formation with everyone. Kyle even said at one point today that it shouldn't be called "boot camp" it should be called "drill camp". He said he HATED drill. They beat it into your head that you do it without thinking, kind of.
Proud doesn't even begin to cover it! All praise goes to Christ through all of this. He saw Kyle through to the finish line and now, Kyle has made something of himself and will always be a part of a brotherhood.
My cup runneth over, y'all!
Till' tomorrow--Semper Fi.
Let me first start off by saying how peaceful and Christ-filled our ride was yesterday. Mom drove the whole way there (about a 5 1/2 hour drive). On the 157 mile stretch to the Savannah area on I-95 I started playing some contemporary Christian music. My mom and I sang together and worshiped our Lord in the car. Wake up call: church isn't the only place you can worship. I know most people relate worshiping to church- but boy, we listened to some good gospel hymns and just let lose and praised our Savior. It was awesome. Made me feel at peace about our trip and smoothed over some anxiety I had. God is good.
Now, onto today (Thursday). Our alarms were set for 4:15 a.m. We were wide awake at 3:30. 3:30, people. Holy smokes. We got ready, got breakfast at 5 and then hit the road for the 10 minute drive to Parris Island. We drove over the bridge onto the marshy island and it was such a pretty ride. Even though it was dark, we could see the beauty of the island very clearly. We were on base and out of the car by 6 a.m. and found a good spot on the side of the road to claim so we could see Kyle clearly during the motivational run, which began roughy at 7 a.m. I've never been more excited to see someone or something in my entire life. Kyle's platoon was 2nd in "line". They were all wearing their sharp looking wind suites (can a wind suit even look "sharp"?). I already knew Kyle's place in formation, so I knew he would be towards the back. I was SO scared I wouldn't see him because, well, lets face it. Kyle's not the tallest guy in the world. Standing at about 5'7", the other new Marines definitely towered over him.
BUT! Never fear, I can pick his perfect face and head out from any crowd. He said I was the first one he saw. He acknowledged us by giving a little 2-finger wave as he jogged by. They ran around a couple of buildings and then ran back in front of us again! I saw him really good that time. And then I started my bellowing (not really, but it felt like it). It was a wonderful moment. I just collapsed in my mom's arms and cried a bit. Felt good to let that out.
We then retired to our vehicles to thaw out our frozen fingers, feet, lips, ears, legs, arms, and any other body part that needed de-frosting. We sat there for about 10 minutes and then went into the All Weather Training Facility to wait out the next gruesome 2 hours. Talk about counting every second. Seesh!
They began the "Liberty Briefing" around 9:30 a.m and they finally brought the new Marines in around 9:45 and they were released to us by 10. Mom told me that she had never seen someone move so fast when I went to find Kyle. It was the best hug I've ever had. When I finally got to him I couldn't really cry. I was so caught in the moment and a little shocked that I couldn't get tears out. I could only tear up. Which I was glad- though there is no shame in crying- I didn't want to cry in front of Kyle. At least not let loose. He was very excited to see us. You could tell by the look on his face. It was so awesome.
After we gave our xoxo's to Kyle and he introduced us to a couple of people, we headed to his barracks and saw where he slept, and did his bathroom business (gross, by the way!). After that we had some lunch and visited. He showed us around the base- where he trained for different things. That place is huge! It was great seeing all of the places he'd been challenged and to see the end result and how he overcame it all- something to be proud of, for sure!
After the 6 hours rushed by, Kyle said his goodbyes and the new Marines went to the Peatross Parade Deck and watched them practice for graduation (which is tomorrow at 9 a.m).
With all of that said- we're exhausted! We came home and basically collapsed on our beds- then stuffed our face with snacks until Dan went to pick up Applebee's to go for us. Then we stuffed our faces some more, I took my bath and now I'm here! So very thankful for a marvelous day with our brand new Marine!
Let me just say- there is something totally incredible about seeing a platoon walk in formation- not a fresh, new platoon, (we saw a few of those and bless their hearts, they were all over the place), I mean a "veteran" platoon. It's so crisp and slick- it's something to see, truly. It made sevaral of us emotional just to see Kyle in formation with everyone. Kyle even said at one point today that it shouldn't be called "boot camp" it should be called "drill camp". He said he HATED drill. They beat it into your head that you do it without thinking, kind of.
Proud doesn't even begin to cover it! All praise goes to Christ through all of this. He saw Kyle through to the finish line and now, Kyle has made something of himself and will always be a part of a brotherhood.
My cup runneth over, y'all!
Till' tomorrow--Semper Fi.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
I may not be a parent yet, but...
I already know the kind of mother that I want to be to my children one day. I know this because I have had a marvelous example of how a mother should treat her children. Thanks, Mama.
Maybe when I get older and I actually become a mom my thoughts on parenthood will, in fact, change. But, as of this moment I know several things that I do want to do and several things I don't want to do when that joyful, precious gift from above comes into my life.
Do's:
- Talk to your children. You're probably thinking, "Well, duh." I don't mean just every day chit chat. I mean be real with your kids. Have such a strong relationship that you're able to talk to them about almost everything. Obviously when they're toddlers and even elementary/middle school the conversations may not be as in depth as those you may have when they get older. But, I think communication is key in any relationship. I can recall having numerous conversations with my mom and brother when I was growing up. We would sit in my mom's bedroom hours on end just talking about anything. Sometimes the talks were light hearted, other times they were deep and very heavy. Talking with your children will help you understand them and help them understand you.
- Forgive. Children say really hurtful things. My mom has told me things I said to her when I was in high school and she seriously should have washed my mouth out with soap. She told me (many years later) that she cried herself to sleep one night that I yelled at her in front of my friends. She didn't know what to do. But, after many apologies, she forgave me. The whole saying "forgive and forget" is totally bull. You may forget the exact words a person used to hurt you, but you will never forget how the words made you feel. I think the saying really means to forgive the person and not bring the incident up again. Forgiveness is key to moving on and strengthening a relationship.
- Let them make mistakes. A lot of parents want to keep their child from ever stumbling and making an "uh oh". I understand protecting your kid, that's a natural feeling to have. But, when kids get older, they tend to not listen to anything (and I mean anything) a parent will tell them. No matter how hard you try, sometimes they're just going to get it wrong. Afterwards, they will probably come crying to you and telling you how they should have listened. This is NOT when you say, "I told you so" or "You should have listened to me" or "I tried to tell you". Who really wants to hear that? Just comfort them, and let them know that yes, they did fall, but they can still get back up. Help them understand how to NOT make the same mistake twice. That's when they will really feel stupid.
- Be a role model. I look at my mom and I think, "Wow... I hope I can be exactly like her one day." I definitely wouldn't have said that 5 years ago, but I was also 16 and a total moron. I admire her for so many reasons. In the past 3 years I've really noticed her good qualities. Maybe it is because I'm going to be a wife soon and I pay attention to how she treats my step dad, and how they handle "grown up" issues. Maybe it is just because I'm getting older and smarter. Either way, my mom is awesome. Why? Here are some reasons:
1. She is so giving and generous of her time and her talents. She should probably say no more often, but that's the kind of person she is. Always willing to help others and serve where it's needed.
2. She's an extremely hard worker. She was a kick ass single mom and took extremely good care of my brother and I.
3. She has dedicated her life to her family. She has really become "the anchor" of our family. She holds it together and then loses it behind closed doors.
4. She loves and I mean loves the Lord. She sings at church and sometimes a song will get her so emotional that she will get choked up when she's singing. I'm not sure if it's happy tears, sad tears, or a a mixture of both. But, I know she loves having a relationship with Jesus.
5. She gives incredible advice and always knows exactly what to say. My brother and I always turn to her for help. She knows how to handle any situation so eloquently.
Those are just a few reasons why I admire her so much and ultimately why I am the way I am.
Now, onto the Don'ts:
- Use harsh words. Cussing your kid out won't get you anywhere. In fact, all it will do is make them lose respect for you and throw your relationship even further down the drain. Sure, you're going to let a "damn" "hell" "shit" "bitch" slip every now and then, and that's okay. Your kids also need to understand that you are human and that you may not always choose the best words to express your feelings. BUT, dropping the F bomb every time you get angry at them will not sit well in their minds. When you talk like this to or in front of your child and you're surprised that your kids are cussing their friends out, or even you out, blame yourself for that one.
- Run away. It doesn't do any good. So many parents turn their heads from the problems they have with their children. They shut the door and ignore it. Wait for it to get better. You really think a 16 year old kid can solve a problem like that on their own? This is where you as a parent have to step up and help. This is where the talking comes in. Brushing a problem under the rug is the worst thing you can do. No, your kid may not want to talk about whatever situation is going on, but you will regret not addressing the issue. Always be there for your kid, even when it may make you feel uncomfortable or you don't know the words to say. Just listen.
- Be a loud person. I describe people who are abrasive, in your face, or haughty as "loud" people. You know when you walk by someone who takes your breath away because they have too much perfume/cologne on? You make a "something smells" face, squinch your eyes, and wrinkle your nose and you hurry up to get away from the stentch. That's how "loud" people make me feel. Don't be a loud parent. Don't smother your kids and make them feel claustrophobic. Especially when they get older. Also, don't be someone that your kids don't want to bring their friends (or better yet their girlfriend/boyfriend) around because they're afraid of what you'll say in front of them, or how you'll act. It's not a good quality to have. It makes people think, "God, I'd hate to have a parent like that."
- Be selfish. When you have kids, I feel like life should officially be focused on parenting and raising your kids to be respectable people. Of course, you need "you time" and date night, etc. But, as far as selfish tendencies- throw them out the window. It's not about you anymore. This really needs no further explanation.
So, there you have it. What I will and won't do when I become a Mama. Who influenced these do's and don'ts? Well obviously my mom influenced the do's. Who taught me what not to do?
I'll never tell. :)
Maybe when I get older and I actually become a mom my thoughts on parenthood will, in fact, change. But, as of this moment I know several things that I do want to do and several things I don't want to do when that joyful, precious gift from above comes into my life.
Do's:
- Talk to your children. You're probably thinking, "Well, duh." I don't mean just every day chit chat. I mean be real with your kids. Have such a strong relationship that you're able to talk to them about almost everything. Obviously when they're toddlers and even elementary/middle school the conversations may not be as in depth as those you may have when they get older. But, I think communication is key in any relationship. I can recall having numerous conversations with my mom and brother when I was growing up. We would sit in my mom's bedroom hours on end just talking about anything. Sometimes the talks were light hearted, other times they were deep and very heavy. Talking with your children will help you understand them and help them understand you.
- Forgive. Children say really hurtful things. My mom has told me things I said to her when I was in high school and she seriously should have washed my mouth out with soap. She told me (many years later) that she cried herself to sleep one night that I yelled at her in front of my friends. She didn't know what to do. But, after many apologies, she forgave me. The whole saying "forgive and forget" is totally bull. You may forget the exact words a person used to hurt you, but you will never forget how the words made you feel. I think the saying really means to forgive the person and not bring the incident up again. Forgiveness is key to moving on and strengthening a relationship.
- Let them make mistakes. A lot of parents want to keep their child from ever stumbling and making an "uh oh". I understand protecting your kid, that's a natural feeling to have. But, when kids get older, they tend to not listen to anything (and I mean anything) a parent will tell them. No matter how hard you try, sometimes they're just going to get it wrong. Afterwards, they will probably come crying to you and telling you how they should have listened. This is NOT when you say, "I told you so" or "You should have listened to me" or "I tried to tell you". Who really wants to hear that? Just comfort them, and let them know that yes, they did fall, but they can still get back up. Help them understand how to NOT make the same mistake twice. That's when they will really feel stupid.
- Be a role model. I look at my mom and I think, "Wow... I hope I can be exactly like her one day." I definitely wouldn't have said that 5 years ago, but I was also 16 and a total moron. I admire her for so many reasons. In the past 3 years I've really noticed her good qualities. Maybe it is because I'm going to be a wife soon and I pay attention to how she treats my step dad, and how they handle "grown up" issues. Maybe it is just because I'm getting older and smarter. Either way, my mom is awesome. Why? Here are some reasons:
1. She is so giving and generous of her time and her talents. She should probably say no more often, but that's the kind of person she is. Always willing to help others and serve where it's needed.
2. She's an extremely hard worker. She was a kick ass single mom and took extremely good care of my brother and I.
3. She has dedicated her life to her family. She has really become "the anchor" of our family. She holds it together and then loses it behind closed doors.
4. She loves and I mean loves the Lord. She sings at church and sometimes a song will get her so emotional that she will get choked up when she's singing. I'm not sure if it's happy tears, sad tears, or a a mixture of both. But, I know she loves having a relationship with Jesus.
5. She gives incredible advice and always knows exactly what to say. My brother and I always turn to her for help. She knows how to handle any situation so eloquently.
Those are just a few reasons why I admire her so much and ultimately why I am the way I am.
Now, onto the Don'ts:
- Use harsh words. Cussing your kid out won't get you anywhere. In fact, all it will do is make them lose respect for you and throw your relationship even further down the drain. Sure, you're going to let a "damn" "hell" "shit" "bitch" slip every now and then, and that's okay. Your kids also need to understand that you are human and that you may not always choose the best words to express your feelings. BUT, dropping the F bomb every time you get angry at them will not sit well in their minds. When you talk like this to or in front of your child and you're surprised that your kids are cussing their friends out, or even you out, blame yourself for that one.
- Run away. It doesn't do any good. So many parents turn their heads from the problems they have with their children. They shut the door and ignore it. Wait for it to get better. You really think a 16 year old kid can solve a problem like that on their own? This is where you as a parent have to step up and help. This is where the talking comes in. Brushing a problem under the rug is the worst thing you can do. No, your kid may not want to talk about whatever situation is going on, but you will regret not addressing the issue. Always be there for your kid, even when it may make you feel uncomfortable or you don't know the words to say. Just listen.
- Be a loud person. I describe people who are abrasive, in your face, or haughty as "loud" people. You know when you walk by someone who takes your breath away because they have too much perfume/cologne on? You make a "something smells" face, squinch your eyes, and wrinkle your nose and you hurry up to get away from the stentch. That's how "loud" people make me feel. Don't be a loud parent. Don't smother your kids and make them feel claustrophobic. Especially when they get older. Also, don't be someone that your kids don't want to bring their friends (or better yet their girlfriend/boyfriend) around because they're afraid of what you'll say in front of them, or how you'll act. It's not a good quality to have. It makes people think, "God, I'd hate to have a parent like that."
- Be selfish. When you have kids, I feel like life should officially be focused on parenting and raising your kids to be respectable people. Of course, you need "you time" and date night, etc. But, as far as selfish tendencies- throw them out the window. It's not about you anymore. This really needs no further explanation.
So, there you have it. What I will and won't do when I become a Mama. Who influenced these do's and don'ts? Well obviously my mom influenced the do's. Who taught me what not to do?
I'll never tell. :)
Saturday, February 16, 2013
10 Things I love about Drake
Writing 2 posts in the same week? I must have a fever. Nope. I just realized I am a tad bit obsessed with something... or someone.
My dog. My son. My best friend. Drake. So, I've decided to dedicate a blog post to the ole' snowball of yellow fur. He said he's quite honored.
10 Things I love about Drake:
1. His teeth: His teeth perplex me. They're so shiny and they fit together perfectly. I'm currently (trying) to teach him how to smile. It's the most adorable thing, really. I have to lift up his flappy jowls to show him that in order to smile, he must show his teeth. Trying to teach a 6 year old dog a new trick is rather difficult.
I refuse to give up.
2. His paw pads: I love his feet. Everything about them. One of his toenails is black - just one. On his front right paw. He chews on his paw pads, and I haven't quite figured out why. But, multiple times a day he will chew on them (he's doing it right now, and I'm so not kidding). I don't know if they itch, or if he is just bored and looking for something to do.
Either way, it's adorable.
3. His fat rolls: Good golly, this dog has some rolls. I'm not talking about just a few here and there. No, they are everywhere - and I love it! They're on his ankles (cankles, HA!), his forehead, all over his belly, his neck, his elbows, seriously. Everywhere. I can't help but play with them. It's just so cute.
Okay, now you're thinking I'm crazy. That's okay, I accept my psycho dog woman tendencies.
4. His scent: This sort of goes back to his paw pads. Drake's smell is like no other smell on the planet. This is where Drake becomes distinguished as a canine, because, well, no human could ever smell like this pup does. His coat smells of a musky-been-rolling-around-in-the-woods smell. It's glorious, really. His breath doesn't have a horrible odor like some dogs do. His paw pads, my God. Have you ever eaten Fritos? That's exactly how the bottom of his feet smell and I'm mesmerized by them.
I sniff them daily.
5. His sounds: Whether it's his sneezes, pants, snorts, gurgles, burps, gags, or the disgusting noise he makes when he "grooms" himself. I kind of love it. I can't fully describe the glorious-ness of the sounds. They're music to my ears.
I'm losing it, I know.
6. His sleeping habits: Every night when Drake gets good and comfortable, he will doze off into doggy land and dream of chasing chickens on a 200 acre farm, other times, he's the one being chased. How do I know? Watch him when he begins to dream. Sometimes he huffs and puffs through his nose and quickly moves his feet back and forth, probably chasing the chickens - that's a good dream. Other times, he breathes through his mouth and whimpers a bit. This is when either Kyle or myself will gently shake him and call his name in order to wake him up from his nightmare. After we watch and giggle at our puppy's cute cries, of course.
We're evil sometimes, too. If you heard his whimpers, you would want to listen for a few seconds, too.
7. His appetite: This dog will eat anything. Anything. Grapes, carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers. I'm only listing the things that many dogs children won't eat. Drake is not a biased pup, that's for sure. Then of course, there are the lays potato chips, the bread, the brownies. You know, the good stuff. Also, he will let you put a piece of food on his nose and wait beg for you to tell him when he can eat it. It's adorable, really.
He loves food. (Like his Mama)
8. His playfulness: Drake will play with anyone or anything. No matter how small or big the object may be. He also thinks everyone wants to play with him. He's not the most gentle dog to play with. He isn't mean. Drake has never bitten anyone except maybe a bug that was crawling on my bedroom floor that I told him to get. And he did, like the vicious warrior dog he is. Ask him if he is a "happy dog" or if he is "excited" and he will become an excited, happy dog in an instant. He will become "Hopping Harry" (as Kyle calls him when he begins to hop up and down). Then, he will run like a cheetah and scoot his precious little huge bottom across the floor. Once he's tired of running, he will grab something, anything that he can get his teeth into (pillow, blanket, shirt, sock, bone, chew toy, etc.) and play with it. I think he likes to show off.
I'll have to capture this on video one day.
9. His loyalty: Drake will love me and Kyle until the day he goes to heaven. Yes, I believe there is a canine/animal heaven for animals that have been the loyal, compassionate, faithful servants they are supposed to be. He follows me everywhere. When I leave the house and I don't shut my bedroom door behind me, he will trot down the stairs in hopes that I am taking him with me. If I don't let the snowball go on a ride, he will sit at the top of the stairs and wait until he hears the garage door open, then he will race down the stairs to meet me happily at the door. There is nothing like the love a dog has for his/her owner. Nothing can compare. When I fell in love with Kyle, I fell in love with Drake. He and I have become so incredibly close since Kyle left 3 months ago for basic training. I have missed Kyle tremendously, but this time truly has brought Drake and I together.
It's been wonderful, really.
It's been wonderful, really.
10. I apologize for this post.
I just love my dog son. Amen.
Friday, February 15, 2013
on death & dying
Two weeks ago my family's lives changed forever.
Most people have had a death in their family before. Maybe not one they had a tough time coping with, but most adults have had someone in their lives die. When my Aunt Marilyn passed on February 2, I immediately felt as though I was in some wild, unexplainable dream. On February 3 I woke up and wanted to rewind the day again to make sure she really had died, that I wasn't just making it up in my head. Her death wasn't like any other I had ever experienced. Since I was 15 my family has lost 6 people (combined from my mom and dad's side). I say since I was 15 because before that I don't remember many deaths occurring in our families. Sure, many of them were unexpected, but my Aunt's came from timbuck-two or something. I cannot explain it.
Unfortunately, the days carried on, and the dream became more of a reality. A horrible reality that I didn't and still don't want to be living.
I don't want to say that death isn't fair. We will all die one day and go on to our next life beyond the realms of this Earth. But, when people die, how people die, and why people die doesn't always seem fair. But, it all goes back to the old (and cliche) saying of, "Life isn't fair." No kidding. That became more blatantly obvious to me on February 2 that it ever had before.
My 90 year old grandmother had to bury her 65 year old daughter. My mom had to say goodbye to her only sibling. And, my cousin had to lay her only living parent to rest and go on living her life without ever hearing her mother's voice again.
Does ANY of that seem fair? NO. (Note: I am beginning to become angry as I type these words)
Some people are amazing at consoling people after they've lost someone close. Some people are not bad at it, but sometimes they don't always have the right words. And others, well, they suck balls at it. Plain and simple. For instance, who wants to hear:
"I'm so sorry honey, but she's much better off than we are." (The last part of the comment completely takes away from the condolences the person first offered. Just shut up, seriously)
"This is what she wanted. She was ready to die." (Oh, yeah that makes us feel SO much better.)
"Well, how's everyone holding up? Did they decide what to do with her house?" (REALLY?!?)
"You'll see her again one day." (I know that... but we want her here NOW.)
Those are just a few incredibly ridiculous statements people have made either to me or my mom in the past 2 weeks. I'm sure other's have said things to my cousins or brother. I should chat with them and compare comments. I'm sure that would give us a tickle... or make us want to take a ball bat to their faces.
Then there are people who just don't console you at all. They don't offer any encouraging words of advice, no "I'm sorry", not even an acknowledgement that someone in your family died. OR, they ask about other family members, besides you. Because, well, obviously I was just her niece and I don't really matter, right? (You think I'm making this up. I wish I were.) But, it's true:
When a grandparent dies: "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."
When a parent dies: "I cannot imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry."
When a sibling dies: "Oh my gosh, sugar, that's so tragic. I'm sorry!"
But...
When an aunt/uncle dies: (crickets chirping) "Oh, I'm sorry."
See what I mean?
Props to my brother for those comparisons. I can't take credit for that.
I'm just irritated. I like to try to make sense out of unexpected, unexplainable events such as these, but, a lot of times I just can't. There are no words, there are no explanations, there are no reasons for why things like this happen. They just happen. And it sucks.
So, this is what I do when I'm irritated about something. I write. Some exercise, some read, some play music. I write. And it helps, really. Plus, it was one of my Aunt Marilyn's passions, and if I can carry on her legacy through my writing, then that's what I'll do.
Take this as a bit of advice, folks. When someone dies, all you have to do is say, "I'm so sorry. Your family is in my thoughts/prayers." That's it. No more. No less.
Death sucks.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Fair Weather Friends
Ever heard the term, "Fair Weather Fans"? Fans that only root for a team when they're on a winning streak? What about the term, "Fair Weather Friends"? I just sort of made it up. I'm sure you can put two and two together to figure out what that term means.
I'm not one to ask for sympathy from people. I don't like others to feel sorry for me and I certainly don't want anyone doing anything for me out of pity or guilt. But, ever since Kyle left for basic training, I almost feel invisible to somepeople of my friends.
Now, I normally wouldn't waste my breath letting others know if I'm upset with them, or if they hurt my feelings. When I was 16-19? Yeah, I would've let them know. But, after I started dating Kyle I felt like my life grew a greater purpose. To love someone unconditionally. So, Kyle became my best friend. And Ilike love it that way. That's how it should be... best friends with the one you plan to spend the rest of your life with, to have children with, to grow old with. Kyle is the greatest friend I could ask for (besides my mom and brother). Many couples don't view their significant other as a best friend, so I feel pretty lucky that mine and Kyle's connection goes beyond that of romance, we love spending time together... like best friends do. And that is what makes me love him.
Sorry, I get distracted when I talk about Kyle. :) Back to the "fair weather friends" deal. Certain friends have checked in. Friends I graduated college with. And I appreciate them. But, others haven't asked me how I am, haven't asked how Kyle is doing, nothing. Some will "like" my Facebook or Instagram posts, even put a little comment here and there. But, just because they click a button on a computer or their phone that sends a notification to me to let me know they "liked" something, does not make them a friend. Picking up a phone and giving me a call or shooting me a text, or even messaging me on Facebook to chat makes them a friend.
I've dealt with friends coming and going my entire life. It's how girls are--they're catty, sensitive, and naturally born gossipers (whether we want to admit it or not). I think I assumed as I got older that friendships would come and stay. But, most of them don't.
Some of you are probably saying, "Well, a friendship works two ways. You have to put forth effort too." I do. I text them, ask how they're doing, what's new in their life. But, as far as them reciprocating the questions and asking me... really asking me how I'm doing. It rarely happens.
I've accepted it. I'm 22 going on 23 and Kyle will be 26 in 3 months. We're growing up and moving on. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. Who knows where we will be this time next year? Maybe these fair weather friends are helping me out by not acting concerned about me or Kyle. Whatever the case, friends... they come and they go.
I'm not one to ask for sympathy from people. I don't like others to feel sorry for me and I certainly don't want anyone doing anything for me out of pity or guilt. But, ever since Kyle left for basic training, I almost feel invisible to some
Now, I normally wouldn't waste my breath letting others know if I'm upset with them, or if they hurt my feelings. When I was 16-19? Yeah, I would've let them know. But, after I started dating Kyle I felt like my life grew a greater purpose. To love someone unconditionally. So, Kyle became my best friend. And I
Sorry, I get distracted when I talk about Kyle. :) Back to the "fair weather friends" deal. Certain friends have checked in. Friends I graduated college with. And I appreciate them. But, others haven't asked me how I am, haven't asked how Kyle is doing, nothing. Some will "like" my Facebook or Instagram posts, even put a little comment here and there. But, just because they click a button on a computer or their phone that sends a notification to me to let me know they "liked" something, does not make them a friend. Picking up a phone and giving me a call or shooting me a text, or even messaging me on Facebook to chat makes them a friend.
I've dealt with friends coming and going my entire life. It's how girls are--they're catty, sensitive, and naturally born gossipers (whether we want to admit it or not). I think I assumed as I got older that friendships would come and stay. But, most of them don't.
Some of you are probably saying, "Well, a friendship works two ways. You have to put forth effort too." I do. I text them, ask how they're doing, what's new in their life. But, as far as them reciprocating the questions and asking me... really asking me how I'm doing. It rarely happens.
I've accepted it. I'm 22 going on 23 and Kyle will be 26 in 3 months. We're growing up and moving on. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. Who knows where we will be this time next year? Maybe these fair weather friends are helping me out by not acting concerned about me or Kyle. Whatever the case, friends... they come and they go.
Friday, January 11, 2013
4 down... 8 to go
I really can't begin to tell you how excited I am that I can say a month has passed since Kyle left! It is such a nice feeling. December actually went by fairly fast, with the holidays and such. I just hope January and February do the same. I haven't really had a meltdown since Christmas. I was lonely on New Years Eve, but it didn't get to me too much. I guess there is something about Christmas and family that makes you really want your significant other there--and when they're not, well, it just plain sucks.
I want to explain something. Some people have asked me how I am doing and I almost always say, "I'm doing alright for the most part." That's the best answer I can give. I am doing alright, surprisingly. I do have moments that I long for Kyle's hug or hand in mine, to hear his laugh, to be driving down the road in my car and look over to see him in the passenger seat... that's what "for the most part" means. Every time I answer someone, they always seem to say, "Girl, I don't know how you do it." Or, "You're such a strong person." Or, "I know I couldn't do that." Or, "I'd be an emotional wreck."
It hit me a couple of nights ago. I caught myself asking, "Well, how come I can do this? Where does this so called 'strength' come from? Why am I not a wreck?" I think the Lord slapped me across my head because I immediately knew why I am able to be so 'strong'.
I have a strong sense of security in my relationship with Kyle. I trust him with my entire life. I don't have to be with him every single day. Would I like to be? Well, sure... absolutely. But, I think the difference between our relationship and other people's relationships is that our love and faith in our love goes beyond the surface. It goes to another level that I cannot explain. I can't hear Kyle's voice, I can't see his sweet face, but I know that he loves me. Not because he tells me in his letters, because Lord knows we can tell someone we love them all day long and not show it one time. I think it's because we share a bond that neither of us have shared with anyone else before. I can feel Kyle's love every day. In everything I do. That may sound corny, but it's true. I know he thinks of me, I know he misses me, I know he wishes he was home. I just know.
So, why can I be so strong? Because I don't need my fiance to constantly tell me how beautiful I am, to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, or to remind me every 10 minutes in a text message that he loves me. I don't need his physical touch to feel confident in our relationship. I know on March 7th when I jump into Kyle's arms for the first time in 3 months we will love each other even more than before he left. Our relationship will have tested the trial of trials and we will overcome it beautifully.
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